Unresolved hurt is poison to a marriage. It slowly erodes the trust and emotional connection between the couple, and drains both parties emotionally making it difficult for them be intimate with each other. To avoid this, every married person should learn how to let go of the past, specifically past hurt.

Step 1: Overcome the fear of getting hurt

If your spouse has hurt you before, you are probably afraid that they will hurt you again. However, the best indicator of your spouse’s level of commitment to the marriage is their current actions. Unless they have given you a reason to believe that they are going to hurt you, you need to overcome the fear of getting hurt.

Step 2: Forgive

You can’t move on unless you forgive your spouse. Forgiveness releases you from the pain that your spouse caused you so that you can move on. However, this won’t happen overnight. Forgiveness is a process so be patient with yourself. Ask God to soften your heart and help you forgive your spouse. Cry, scream and vent to a friend if you need to. With time, the pain will start to fade away.

Step 3: Learn from the past

Letting go of the past is not the same as forgetting the past. It is important to reflect on the past and learn from it. Until you can acknowledge how your actions contributed to the hurtful situation and empathize with your spouse, you are not ready to move on. If you learn from your past, you’ll be better equipped to deal with similar situations in the future.

Step 4: Deal with new relationship issues as they arise

Make a point to deal with hurts as soon as they arise. Start by acknowledging your feelings and telling your spouse how you feel. Then give your spouse a chance to tell you how you they feel. This helps you to begin the forgiveness process sooner.

If you and your spouse are losing your emotional connection, it may be because you are holding on to unresolved hurt and don’t know how to let go of the past.  If you want to have a happy marriage, you need to forgive each other, learn from your past and resolve to deal with new issues as they arise.