Most advice on how to fix a marriage is based on the assumption that both parties are willing to and know how to apologize. Unfortunately, some people just aren’t good with apologies. They are unable to admit wrongdoing and take responsibility for their actions because it makes them feel too vulnerable. They subconsciously believe that admitting that they have made a mistake is the same as admitting that they are a bad person. Therefore, instead of just saying “I’m sorry”, they may try to apologize using gifts or by helping out with chores.

If your spouse is like this, you need to learn how to fix a marriage and end conflict even if you do not get an apology.

Pick your battles wisely

Some marital problems are just not worth losing your marriage. Of course they are still hurtful but it’s up to you to decide what’s more important to you: winning the argument or being happy.

Put yourself in your spouse’s shoes

If your spouse is refusing to apologize because they believe they are right, you should try and understand where they are coming from. Ask them about their point of view and listen. Do not interject with your point of view or argue with theirs.

Let go of your ego and apologize

Even if your spouse won’t apologize to you, you can still apologize to them for your part in the conflict. Don’t let your ego get in the way. Remember, your apology does not in any way absolve your spouse of culpability. It, however, enables you to get past your hurt feelings and move on.

Understand your spouse’s apology language

Just because your spouse hasn’t said “I’m sorry” doesn’t mean he or she hasn’t “apologized.” Your spouse may believe that buying you a gift or going out of their way to make things right is a sincere apology.  For instance, if your spouse forgot to take out the garbage, he or she may try to make things right by taking out the garbage. Understanding your spouse’s apology language will help you to let go of things even when you do not get your ideal apology.

It’s impossible for your spouse to apologize for every single mistake they make. However, using the above tips on how to fix a marriage, you can learn to move on without an apology.