We’re constantly thinking about the situations we find ourselves in as we go about our daily lives. 

Our inner voice—our self-talk—determines how we interpret and feel about these situations. 

The problem with our inner voice is that it can be untamed and unruly. 

Self-talk includes conscious thoughts and unconscious/subconscious assumptions and beliefs, both negative and positive.  

We need to maintain a rational, accurate perspective to have a happy marriage; otherwise, negative self-talk will create scenarios within our minds that don’t exist. 

The good news is that for most of us, our self-talk is reasonable.

It usually reminds us of things we need to do that day, such as tasks, projects, and important appointments. 

But some of our self-talk is negative, unrealistic, and even self-defeating, such as “I’m going to fail this test tomorrow,” “I’m such a loser,” or “This marriage is doomed.” 

Negative self-talk warps our perception of our lives and the world because it often makes things appear worse and causes problems where none existed before.

Sometimes, our self-talk is wrong. 

Worse yet, and this is so damaging, we may have developed a habit of self-deprecating comments, where we tear ourselves down and make fun of ourselves, which makes us feel worthless and less than.

Or, we may have experienced something hurtful and keep rehearsing it repeatedly in our minds, causing further damage because we can’t find a way to let it go. So, through self-talk, we cling to the very thing that keeps hurting us. 

This Can Challenge Your Self-Talk

Mastering the art of challenging your self-talk is within your power. 

Start by recognizing your negative thought patterns. 

Then, challenge the irrational aspects and substitute them with accurate and reasonable thoughts. 

With consistent practice, you’ll develop the ability to identify your negative self-talk in real time and consciously choose a more accurate and helpful perspective.

By challenging your self-talk’s negative or unhelpful aspects, you’re paving the way for a more confident response to life’s situations. 

While it may take time and effort, the rewards are substantial. 

As you begin this process, you’ll be amazed at how much your thinking is skewed, exaggerated, or pessimistic.

But soon, you will form the habit of controlling the conversation in your mind, influencing how you feel about a certain thing and the action you take to address it. 

Remember, the ultimate aim is to gain a realistic view of your own thinking. 

This involves making adjustments to reduce negative self-talk and increase accurate, reasonable, and helpful self-talk, especially regarding your spouse and marriage.

As you embark on this journey and start seeing positive changes, you’ll become more aware of your self-talk and the true nature of the situations you encounter daily, making you more optimistic and solution-focused.