Has your spouse changed since you got married?

Have these changes caused relationship issues?

There is a certain sense of security that comes with knowing your spouse so well that you can predict their behavior.  It makes it easier to trust them and draws you closer to them.

Unfortunately, change is inevitable and people change. Some changes are small, such as your partner taking on a new hobby, while others are big, such as your partner changing their faith. However, how you choose to deal with those changes is what determines whether or not you will continue to enjoy a happy marriage.  Here is some advice on how to fix a marriage where one spouse has changed

Has your spouse really changed?

Just because your spouse seems like a different person doesn’t mean that they have changed. Maybe they have always been messy but you are just now noticing it. Maybe they always wanted to take up golfing but never had the chance. However, if these small changes are bothering you, let your spouse know how you feel in a calm and respectful manner.

Is your spouse stressed?

Some people change when they are stressed. They become more irritable or cold and unaffectionate. Research shows that stress triggers a chemical reaction in the brain that impairs the social skills and cognitive ability of the affected person. If your spouse is like this, all they need to do is work on their stress management and the stress-induced personality changes and relationship issues will be a thing of the past.

Have you told your spouse how you feel?

As mentioned above, it is important to tell your spouses how the changes are making you feel. Remember to start your sentences with “I feel” and not “you.”  Keep it positive and non-accusatory.

Also, don’t be afraid to specify exactly what you desire. If you want your spouse to help out a lot more with chores, be specific about what you would like them to do, e.g. dishes or laundry, and how often you would like them to help out.

Lastly, be the kind of spouse you want your husband or wife to be. If you don’t like the fact that they are spending all their time on their new hobby and you would like them to give you more attention, give them more attention. Similarly, if you want your spouse to learn how to manage their stress better, begin working on your stress management skills. Being the change you want to see in your spouse and you relationship is one of the best strategies for dealing with relationship issues.