There are many reasons why people lie to the one’s they love. They may be afraid of disappointing their partners or trying to protect their egos.

Whatever the case, being lied to by a spouse is very hurtful. It causes marriage problems and eventually leads to the breakdown of a good marriage.

Should you confront a lying spouse?

What are you supposed to do when you catch your spouse lying? Should you confront them?

This is probably not what you want to hear but there’s no way around this difficult conversation. You have to bring it up if you want a healthy relationship.

However, you must do it in a productive manner. Don’t play games like trying to set up a situation so that you can catch them red handed. Just tell them in a gentle manner that you know they have lied to you and explain that you are hurt by it.

Ask your partner why he or she didn’t feel safe enough to tell you the truth. Allow them to explain their perspective and really listen without being judgmental. It is very important for your spouse not to feel attacked even if you believe they are to blame. The whole thing should feel less like a confrontation and more like a conversation.

If you’re partner feels confronted, they may react defensively. They may deny that they lied, accuse you of lying as well or even refuse to discuss it.

It’s best to focus on your feelings and not your spouse’s behavior. Saying “I’m concerned” or “I’m upset” will be received a whole lot better than saying “I know you lied” or “Did you lie?”

Finding out that your husband or wife has lied to you can be very shocking. When this happens, it’s important to let your spouse know that you know they lied in a non-confrontational manner that will not cause additional marriage problems. The above tips can make it a lot easier.