When it comes to communication in marriage, there is nothing more frustrating than talking in circles for hours without accomplishing or resolving anything. It can make you afraid to have difficult conversations, lead to intimacy issues, or even worse, make you feel hopeless about your marriage problems.

However, while a communication breakdown can be frustrating, it is not that difficult to resolve when you have the necessary tools.

Figure out how you got there

The most important and most challenging part of recovering from a communication breakdown in marriage is figuring how you got there. The goal isn’t to lay blame but rather to be clear on what the disagreement is and your respective positions on the issue.

Apologize for your part

It takes two to reach a stalemate so even if you think it is mostly your partner’s fault, you need to take responsibility and apologize for your part. Your apology should be from the heart and not be dependent on an apology from your husband or wife.

Do not take it upon yourself to point out what you think your partner did wrong and should apologize for. You can share how you felt without pointing a finger at them. For instance you can say I felt, sad, afraid, angry or betrayed.

Be patient and allow your partner to apologize in their own time. It will mean more this way.

Be less selfish!

Selfishness is the root of all breakdowns in communication in marriage. If you are going to have a good marriage, you both need to dig deep and figure out what is truly non-negotiable for you and what you are willing to be flexible about.

The easiest way to figure out whether something is truly non-negotiable for you is to ask yourself whether you are willing to lose your spouse and marriage over it.

Once you have figured out how flexible you are both willing to be, come up with a solution together. To get the ball rolling, you can propose a possible compromise and then give your partner a chance to respond.

With the above tips, resolving breakdowns in communication in marriage will be a lot easier for you and your spouse.