Most people would agree that love or affection is an important ingredient for a happy marriage. However, few people know what exactly love is – especially in the context of married life.

Most people would say that love is a feeling of deep affection and romantic attachment. While this definition is technically correct, it can be problematic in marriage.

Describing love as a feeling gives the impression that love is just something that happens to you, and that you don’t have much control over it. A better definition would be that love is a decision. A lasting marriage comes from deciding and constantly choosing to love your spouse.

Choosing to Love

Choosing to love means constantly reaffirming your commitment to each other. How? By repeating your vows to each other regularly. You don’t need an audience for this. Just look into each other’s eyes and say your vows.

You don’t necessarily have to repeat the vows you said at your wedding. Most wedding vows are short and generic but when you are recommitting to each another, it is important to make them more personal and practical.

Every time you declare your love for one another, you give your happy marriage and your feelings towards each other a burst of energy.

Choosing to love also means intentionally embracing everything about your husband or wife and behaving in a loving and affectionate way towards them. You have to lay aside your selfishness and do things that make your spouse happy.

Behaving in a loving manner means doing things like holding your tongue when you are feeling angry, sending a text just to let your partner know you appreciate them or surprising you partner with their favorite meal. Don’t worry about making a grand gesture; focus on the little things.

Love and affection are wonderful feelings, but they can fade away pretty quickly if you are not doing anything to keep them going.  The secret to a happy marriage lies in choosing to love each other every day.