Extreme emotional neediness in marriage is unhealthy and destructive. This is because needy people have unrealistic expectations of their spouses. They require constant verbal reassurance and physical demonstration of love from their spouses. This is emotionally draining for the other spouse and often causes serious marital problems.

Although neediness can appear to be a cry for love, it is often a sign of insecurity in relationships. Insecure people struggle with self doubt and are usually anxious to know what other people think of them. This is why insecure spouses are constantly seeking reassurance and affirmation from their significant others.

Needy people are also very self absorbed and selfish. They cannot stop thinking about themselves long enough to think of their spouse’s well being. A needy spouse will often ask, “Why don’t you tell me or show me that you love me?” There is emptiness within their souls that they are constantly struggling to fill.

Dealing with emotional neediness in your marriage

Seek counseling

Since neediness is often a manifestation of deeper issues, it is extremely important to seek counseling. With the help of a counselor, the needy spouse can examine his/her issues and find solutions for them.

Stop blaming each other

Blaming each other only makes things worse. Both spouses must take responsibility for their contribution to the marital problems. It is necessary to remove the plank from your own eye, before attempting to remove the speck from your spouse’s eye.

Control your thoughts

Neediness is a disease of the mind. It can be overcome by recognizing and controlling selfish and insecure thoughts. Ask God to help you control these thoughts.

Discover your spiritual identity in Christ

Instead of looking to your spouse to fill the emptiness in your soul, you should look to Christ. When you find your identity in Christ, you will no longer look elsewhere for fulfillment.

Strive to become a giver instead of a taker

Whatever you give, you will receive in good measure. Therefore, if you want your spouse to pay more attention to you, pay more attention to him/her. If you and your spouse are mutually committed to giving, you will have less marital problems.