It is impossible to have a healthy relationship without forgiveness.  However, forgiving a spouse can be quite a struggle. How do you forgive someone who promised to love and cherish you and then turned around and hurt you? The truth is that it is not easy, but it can be done.

Steps to Forgiveness

Identify the real enemy

Your spouse may have wronged you, but they are not the enemy. You need to look beyond the hurt and realize that the real enemy is the flesh.

With regards to forgiveness in the bible, Apostle Paul warns in Romans 8:8 that the flesh is more interested in pleasing itself than in pleasing God. You also need to realize that, as Christians, you are not fighting flesh-and-blood enemies but rather against mighty powers of darkness. This will help you to let go of the bitterness towards your spouse and get you one step closer to forgiveness.

Realize that forgiveness is a struggle

Forgiving a loved one who has hurt you isn’t warm and fuzzy. In fact, you can expect it to be painful. Forgiveness isn’t about numbing yourself to the pain and paying lip service to your partner by saying things like “we all make mistakes.” It is about choosing not to “punish” your spouse for the offence and instead seeking God’s healing for the pain and bitterness that you feel.

Make a choice to forgive

Forgiveness is a choice. God has given you the power to choose between forgiveness and unforgiveness and simply making a choice to forgive your partner can go a long way in loosening the stronghold of anger and bitterness.

Ask for Gods’ healing

As a Christian, it is important to know that God has the power to heal your broken heart and bind up your wounds. All you have to do is ask him to heal you emotionally and spiritually. Trust in God completely and you will experience complete healing.

Resist the urge to bring up these transgressions in the future

If you want a healthy relationship with your spouse, you should aim to “forgive and forget.” Once you have forgiven your spouse, resist the urge to mull over what happened. Also resist the urge to continually bring up your spouse’s past transgressions as a way of punishing them.

Forgive and forgive again

To be successful in marriage, you must learn how to forgive again and again. Whether it is for the same transgression or a different one, God has given you the grace to forgive your spouse as many times as you need to.

Forgiveness is one of the most essential pillars of a marriage and without it there can be no healthy relationship. Therefore, learning how to forgive should be a top priority for every married couple.