1. Putting Your Spouse Second

If anyone, or worse yet, anything, comes before your spouse – including your children – then this is a fatal mistake that will damage your marriage.

You pledged your life and  love to your spouse; he or she comes first – he or she is your life because you became one flesh when you exchanged vows.

I’m not saying your kids are unimportant; of course they are – you’d sacrifice your life in an instant to save them; and you do whatever it takes every day for them to have a better shot at life than you had. So please understand what I’m saying and not saying.

But your spouse comes first.

2. Not Spending Time With Your Closest Friends

You have a life. And a part of that life is spending time with those whom you love and cherish most.

We were created to thrive within an context of relationships and social connections. Not connecting with your dearest friends is a sure way to disconnect from your spouse.

You need friends.

3. Declaring Sexual Bankruptcy

Sex is a wonderful aspect of healthy marriages. Is your marriage sexually bankrupt?

Do you “use” sex for anything else than sharing your love and for bonding with your mate?

Although men and women are different, they both want and enjoy sex.

But when it comes to men especially, sex is the primary way that they celebrate intimacy, bonding and closeness.

So if you’re not sexually available to your husband for whatever reason, he will become disconnected from you eventually – and that’s not a path either of you want travel on.

If you’re not sexually connected to each other then you will be sexually connected to someone else.

Sexual bankruptcy – or a sexual embargo – is a fatal mistake.

4. Not Taking Time For Yourself

Yes, your spouse comes first. And yes, there are the kids and friends and other people, too.

BUT – you MUST take time for yourself.

You don’t exist on this planet to only fulfill the needs of others. You have needs. So you need to set some boundaries in 2013 to make sure you take of yourself because if you don’t then you will start resenting the other people in your life.

5. Hearing But Not “Hearing”

Not listening to your spouse, or not giving them your full attention, is a fatal mistake.

If your wife or husband has something important to say – whether or not it’s important to you – then turn off the TV or stop whatever you are doing and listen to them.

And please don’t interrupt them either! Or jump to conclusions.

Just listen.

You do this for your colleagues – and even strangers – so shouldn’t you do it for the most important person in your life? I think so. Not listening is a fatal mistake.

6. Always Having To Be Right

Always having to be right is a sure way to put distance between you and your spouse.

Some spouses manipulate conversations and arguments so that they are always right. And if they do it often enough then they will be “right” but alone.

Stop always having to be right. Stop always painting yourself in the “best” light – do you care more about your image and ego or your marriage?

7. Lies And Secrets

Nothing can create a greater sense of distrust and distance in your relationship than lies and secrets.

Decide to be honest with your spouse in 2013 – prove yourself trustworthy.

8. Breaking Promises

Broken promises create rifts and strain a relationship.

Do what you say you’re going to do. Enough said.

9. Acting Like A Two-Year Old

Some spouses throw temper tantrums just like a two-year old and deserve to be placed in time-out.

If this is you then stop it!

Your spouse deserves better – they don’t deserve that kind of treatment.

You both are grown adults so you should be able to handle conflict and disagreements in constructive ways and not with angry flare-ups.

You might get your own way by throwing a temper tantrum but you will hurt your marriage in the process. So resolve right now that temper tantrums and angry outbursts are things of the past.

Which of these nine fatal mistakes do you need to work on in 2013 to have a healthier and happier marriage? You know what you need to do. So get to it so you can be mad about marriage again instead of just being mad.