How Refusing Marriage Help Hurts Your Kids
This should be common knowledge but I will say it anyway: Your relationship with your spouse is affecting your children.
In fact, if your marriage is in trouble, then assume right now that your children have noticed and are likely suffering emotional pain. Refusing to get marital help only prolongs their emotional distress.
Kids are very intuitive. They are keenly aware when anger, anxiety, sadness, and frustration exist between mom and dad.
Your kids might be too young to fully understand these emotions, but they can certainly feel them.
Truth is, when you are stressed out about your marriage, your children know and are affected to some degree.
Some husbands and wives let it all out and get into shouting matches in front of their children. Others freeze up and give each other the silent treatment. Either way? Your kids know what’s going on and they hope that you will do something about it.
You know if your marriage is in trouble and needs help. I strongly suggest that you seek professional marriage counseling as soon as you can. While you’re searching for a marriage counselor, consider these options to help ease the emotional stress that your kids might be experiencing:
Option 1: Go Somewhere With Your Spouse Without The Kids
You and your spouse might be experts at shielding your kids from marital confrontation. But guess what. It is impossible to hide everything 100% of the time. This is why it is a good idea to create an opportunity to discuss in private confidence with your spouse any major conflict that the marriage is experiencing.
Cut yourself some slack, too, because if you happen to blow up in front of your kids, you can make up in front of them, too. Kids fight with each other all the time and make up afterwards. So if things get out of hand, be sure to bring it to a peaceful and loving conclusion because this will ease any emotional stress felt by hour kids.
Option 2: Take A Short Trip
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: You and your spouse need time alone together – time to decompress from the stresses and worries of life, jobs and parenting. So get away!
Time alone tends to soften the jagged edges of conflict because it gives you perspective. It frees you from the relentless demands that erode your tolerance and patience.
Time away with your spouse creates an emotional cushion within your relationship that affords you the opportunity to talk, listen, share, forgive.
Option 3: Regular Dates
Maybe all you need is regular time away with your spouse in the form of dates. Healthy couples try to practice a weekly date night. If you’re not currently doing this then give it a try.
Option 4: Make Time For Family Play
If you’re not having fun as a family then you need to lighten up and remind yourself why you’re even on this planet in the first place.
I know how stressful it can be to work, raise kids, pay bills, try to get ahead, and take care of yourself in the process. But you must the time to play, laugh and have fun — to create memories that make life worth living.
So go do something fun as a family.
Option 5: Marriage Counseling
I think you should do this in addition to any of the above four options you decide to do. A professional marriage counselor who shares, or at least supports, your values and beliefs can be of tremendous help.
Don’t be embarrassed about seeking marriage counseling. Do an online search of the counselors in your area. Read reviews. Ask around to see who people recommend. Don’t put this off. Your marriage is good enough to save, and it’s worth doing to create a happier environment for your children.
Here’s the good news: When you and your spouse begin marriage counseling, the message it sends to your kids is that you value the family.
They will be glad to see mom and dad spending time together to work through and resolve conflict. And guess what? Refusing to seek help sends the opposite message, too. You are in control of the message your kids will receive.
Option 6: Self-Improvement
If your spouse is unwilling to join you in marriage counseling, then you can go to counseling alone or even practice certain self-improvement techniques. Please don’t underestimate how beneficial this can be to your marriage and for the kids.
You are unable to always control the situation but you are always in control of yourself. So for whichever area of your life needs to be improved, go find a book or some other resource to help you grow in that area.
As you grow and develop, your marriage and family will benefit accordingly. Do what you can with what you to improve yourself, and you will soon find the situation improving as a result.
As your confidence grows, your spouse will notice the changes. And when mom and dad are happier, the kids will notice and be happier too.
So take charge of your marriage. Decide that things will get better starting now. Choose one of the above 6 options to improve your relationship and save your marriage. Determine right now that you, your spouse and your kids will have a happy family.