Don’t fall into the trap that many couples do when seeking “help” for their marriage.

Here’s what happens, a lot.

A hurting spouse seeks comfort in the arms of a friend who is of the opposite sex.

This is a BIG mistake for the obvious reason that it creates an opportunity for an affair.

Only seek marital help from a person of the opposite sex when that person is a licensed and qualified marriage counselor with whom you’ve engaged his or her professional services.

Otherwise, don’t, I repeat, don’t get advice from the opposite sex about your marriage problems even it happens to be a friend who is very dear and close. Otherwise you’re only flirting with danger (please trust me on this one and don’t make me say I told you so 🙂 ).

Sure, he or she might show sympathy and concern. But this can lead to you becoming much more than friends, which creates even bigger problems for your marriage.

So take steps early on to protect yourself and your relationship from this ever happening. You will be glad you did.

Oh, and avoid this other unhappy marriage “trap”, too. Do not bash your spouse to a person of the opposite sex either. Why? Because this can create sides and hostilities, generate sympathy, and lead you down a path that you wind up regretting for the rest of your life.

Here’s a suggestion: The first person you should seek marriage help from is, believe it or not, your spouse!

He or she is the best person to talk to about your marital problems since they are the other party who is involved.

But, if your spouse doesn’t want to talk about it, or you might face physical harm for bringing it up, then find a trained professional such as a minister or counselor immediately. They will help you to evaluate your marital situation and options, and also keep the matter confidential.

You can find local counselors or ministers or other trained psychotherapists in the yellow pages or by doing an Internet search for professionals in your area. Sometimes communities offer free counseling services. So ask around.

If once you’ve enlisted the help of a counselor or minister you find their advice to be untrustworthy, then simply find someone else – you owe it to yourself and marriage. Your loyalty is to your marriage not the counselor. And no one cares about your marriage more than you.

But keep this in mind. Try not to react defensively if they point out that perhaps you’re partially at fault and have a few shortcomings as well!

Lastly, it’s usually always better if you and your spouse attend the marriage counseling sessions together.

There will be times when each of you will be asked to talk, and other times when the counselor will just wish to talk to each of you privately.

Be flexible and cooperative as you work through your issues together with a trusted marriage counselor — someone who only has your best interests at heart.

Follow this relationship advice to avoid the unhappy marriage traps and save your marriage.