For many years counselors have been inundated with questions about pornography and how to deal with it in marriage.

Although it is commonly assumed that pornography is an issue only with husbands, the fact of the matter is that there is a large percentage of wives who are also addicted to porn.

Pornography addiction is something that men AND women struggle with today.

Perhaps the most frequently asked question marriage counselors are asked with regards to pornography is this one:

“I walked in on my husband/wife watching porn on the Internet. They say it’s no big deal. But I’m not comfortable with it and think it’s affecting our marriage negatively. And when we’re intimate, I’m wondering if they’re thinking about the people they saw in the videos and pictures — it intimidates me and makes me feel less appealing to them. What should I do?”

Here’s my response to anyone who might find themselves in that situation.

First of all, be kind to yourself. Your spouse finds you attractive or else he or she wouldn’t have been drawn to you in the first place.  So don’t  compare yourself to the actors in those pictures and films.

Today so many married people are abusing porn.

With regards to the United States, the National Coalition for the Protection of Children and Families estimates that about 40 million people have a sexual “relationship” with the Internet.

This is an issue that many, many people are struggling with.

One of the best ways to help a spouse overcome their porn addiction is to let them know exactly how you feel about it. And share how their porn habit is lowering your self-worth and self esteem.

But please listen to what I’m going to say next. Telling them how you feel isn’t enough. And getting angry with them will only make things worse.

What do you need to do?

Find productive ways to help them overcome this addiction.

But how can you tell if they are addicted to porn? The major signs of porn addiction include:

• Spending a lot of time and money on pornography (obviously)
• Neglecting other responsibilities for pornography
• Lack of interest in sex or decreased libido
• Secretive behavior especially when he/she is using the Internet.

If you think your spouse suffers from porn addiction, then encourage him or her to seek help.

Here are a few useful resources to get you started:

1. The Way of Purity Course: http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com/courses/way-of-purity/
2. http://www.sexualcontrol.com/pornography-addiction.html
3. http://www.purelifeministries.org/
4. www.xxxchurch.com

Pornography addiction is one of the most difficult addictions to overcome.

So if your husband or wife (or you) are struggling with porn addiction, then it’s time to get the help you need.

Pornography is scarring so many relationships today and wounding so many families.

But it doesn’t have to be that way for you.

With a lot love, time and patience, you and your marriage can be free from pornography.