Marriage takes a lot of work because healthy relationships with fairy tale endings don’t magically spring into existence.

And although it’s true that we get to choose the person whom we will marry, it’s also true that we are not allowed to control them. True love doesn’t work that way – it goes against its nature.

But when marriage gets tough, a common reaction among many husbands and wives is to put distance between themselves to lessen the pain.

So here are some marriage saving tips to help your relationship. But remember, great patience, determination and commitment are essential to making these tips work.

First, you and your spouse must agree that divorce is not an option.

Take it off the table. Make a commitment to do whatever it takes to save the marriage.

Second, pray. Seek God and make Him the center of your relationship.

Even if your spouse chooses not to pray, you can.

But if both of you can welcome God into your relationship, then things should begin improving immediately because of His healing grace.

Prayer creates the capacity within your heart to understand your spouse. Here are two great books on the subject: The Power Of A Praying Wife, and The Power Of A Praying Husband.

Thirdly, respecting each other must be your top priority.

Attacking one another with mean words with the intention of getting even only aggravates the conflicts.

So choose your words carefully.

Instead of saying “You don’t make time for me and our children anymore,” try saying, “Do you remember when we went to this place or spent time together doing thus and such? That was fun, let’s do it again!”

You will find that your partner will most likely respond positively to your suggestion.

At the same time, avoid bringing up past conflicts. And whatever you do, do not let other people cloud your view of one another. Focus on each other. This is your marriage – your relationship.

Fourth, listen to each other, especially when one wants to release some of their emotional or mental baggage.

Seek to understand – and remember that understanding someone isn’t necessarily admitting that you agree with them.

But listening and understanding is something that friends do for each other. When you do this, you are being a friend to your spouse. Not only does this show them kindness, it helps to guard against them looking for another person to confide in, which can lead to infidelity.

Fifth, make it a priority to take time to talk to each other every day. This deepens intimacy.

Take a trip or retreat together, or just go for a drive,  because doing these things creates great opportunities for communication and growing closer.

Consider these marriage saving tips – put them to work in your relationship, and watch your love deepen and grow to the point where you will once again be mad about marriage!