Negative Communication In Marriage
The existence of negative communication patterns is the best predictor of divorce. (And did you know that we pass along these patterns to our children?) So it only makes good sense to remove them!
There are four main types of negative communication. They are labeled “The Four Horsemen” and inevitably can lead a relationship into distress and possible destruction. They are criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. All couples are likely to engage in these communication styles at some point. But making deliberate efforts to avoid these styles of communication will improve your marriage.
In fact.. eliminating one negative communication pattern does more to ensure the stability and happiness of your marriage than adding 5 positive elements! Wow! That’s worth stating again! Eliminating ONE negative communication pattern does MORE to ensure the stability and happiness of your marriage than adding 5 positive elements.
Here are a couple ideas on positive behaviors and communications that will support a healthy relationship:
Let your spouse know that you appreciate the little things they do. Don’t withhold praise just because they did something they were “supposed” to do it. Say “Thanks!”
Make your life an open book to your spouse. In today’s social media culture where people tend to overshare online, it is surprising to note couples are less apt to share daily occurrences and other communications with their spouse. In fact, give your spouse permission to “check-up” on you whenever they wish. Keep positive lines of communication open by ensuring your partner knows you have nothing to hide.
Be gentle. Commitment means: I will choose to do or say that which is in the best interest of my spouse even though it may cost me to do so. So be gentle with your spouse in your communications. If you & your spouse are “one flesh” why would you NOT choose to be gentle? Have you identified a negative communication pattern you would like to eliminate from your relationship? Or can you think of at least one or two gentle actions you can do to show your spouse how much you care? Take the challenge today to infuse your relationship with more positive communications and increase the stability and happiness of your marriage.