You encounter many different types of people daily, the good, the bad, and the ugly – also known as the pessimistic types – who spread their personal brand of misery everywhere they go. 

The good news is you choose who you allow into your life and associate with and who you keep out. 

Removing negative people from your life to the extent you can will greatly improve your life and marriage.

Negativity is a downward force that lowers your standards and warps your outlook. You start focusing on problems and what’s wrong with your life and marriage and blame situations and people for your “plight.”

Negativity is disempowering.

Positive people are encouraging and supportive and keep you focused on opportunities and solutions. 

But unfortunately, positive people can become negative, whether because of experiences, tragedies, or being hurt, causing them to become angry, distrustful, and resentful. 

You need to remove people who negatively influence you, and if you can’t remove them, you need to limit their access until they work through whatever is making them so negative.

When Do You Cut Them From Your Life?

Cut negative people loose when they begin harming you. They might be influencing you to do things that make you feel uncomfortable and don’t believe in, influencing you back into activities you gave up long ago, or causing you to look negatively upon your spouse, marriage, career, etc. You must become aware of their influence on you and what it’s causing you to do, believe, and become. 

Here are some common warning signs to determine if someone is negative and having a potentially unhealthy influence on you and your life. 

They complain and don’t care about hearing solutions.

They gossip and tear others down.

They shift into “Devil’s Advocate” mode when you share a dream or something good, pointing out everything wrong with it. 

They are unsupportive or dismissive, or they minimize you when you share what you think or feel about something.

They always blame people or situations for their unhappiness.

They are critical and unwilling to take responsibility for their mistakes and don’t take ownership of their life.

How to Cut Them From Your Life

First, recognize that cutting people from your life is never easy and doesn’t always feel good. Second, realize it’s a process; this isn’t one of those situations where all it takes is one conversation – it isn’t a “one and done” kind of thing. The type of relationship you have with a particular person drives this process. 

My Advice:

First of all, you don’t owe anyone a reason for why you’re parting ways with them. So please don’t feel like you owe them an explanation, even when they press you for one, by using guilt, shame, anger, or manipulation.

Be kind and gracious as you share how you feel and that this isn’t a subject open for debate or negotiation. You can share that you’ve been sensing a lot of negative energy in the relationship that you can’t allow to continue in your life. Do it softly, and let them know you care about them deeply and want what’s best for them. 

Next, sever ties by disconnecting from them on social media; hide their updates or remove them from your connections.

As an alternative option, you might consider creating distance instead of separation. You do this by filling your social calendar with other friends and activities and limiting your time with them.

Parting Thoughts

Dealing with negative people is never easy, especially when deciding whether you should keep or lose them. If you choose to stick with them, you must make it a point to be more positive around them. Be positive on purpose – much like the “kill them with kindness” but “kill them with positivity” approach instead. By being more positive, you may help them improve their outlook, or they’ll become so uncomfortable with you that they will choose to walk away and leave the relationship because misery loves company, which they’re not getting from you.

You must guard your heart and mind and do everything you can to keep negative and unhealthy influences out of your life to protect your life, marriage, family, faith, dreams, and goals. Why? Because you owe it to yourself, especially your spouse and family, to be your absolute best so you can pour blessings into them and protect them from harmful and damaging influences. Decide to be an optimistic person who fills your life with positivity to unlock your best life and marriage!