We spend a huge chunk of our life trying to be the best version of ourselves.

Life doesn’t come with an instruction manual on a silver platter, telling us what to do in every situation. 

We struggle through difficult situations that push us to our limits. 

We often don’t know what to do. 

We’re required to make hard choices, and although we strive to make the best choice most of the time, sometimes we make mistakes. 

We can’t learn to walk without falling down. 

We’re always learning and growing – we’re always learning to walk in some area of our life, and sometimes it hurts. 

But would we reach our potential if everything we needed to be happy and successful was handed to us on a silver platter?  

Facing uncomfortable situations is a chance to be better or to blame…to be all that we can be or to settle for less. 

When life gets tough, it’s easy to cast blame. We tend to blame people, events, or circumstances for our lack of progress or unhappiness, don’t we?

But what does this have to do with relationships and marriage?

Playing the blame game destroys relationships. 

Nobody wants to be with someone who doesn’t take full responsibility for their actions and is always blaming others for their failures, disappointment, and shortcomings. 

Here are some great tips for putting an end to the blame game. 

Not Everything is an Issue

We need to be cautious about the arguments that we bring to the table. 

Sometimes, something as simple as overcooking an egg can lead to bickering over who’s doing more or doing less in the relationship. 

Nitpicking and making a case for why your partner is in the wrong, are among the top destroyers of relationships. 

See things for what they are, be specific when pointing something out, and whatever you do, don’t make a mountain out of every little thing. 

Instead of targeting the negative like a heat-seeking missile on a mission to destroy, highlight the positive. In the case of the overcooked egg, instead of giving your partner grief for doing it wrong, commend and affirm their kindness for making an effort to cook you something. 

Practice the Pause

As humans, we’re quick to react whenever something sets us off, especially nowadays in this powder-keg culture. 

It’s human to get angry and lash out.

But we say or do things that we can never, in a million years, take back!

So, to avoid hurting our partner, let’s practice the Pause. 

People seem unaware that there’s a space – a window – between an action and a reaction, and what we “put” in that space is up to us. 

Anything can happen in that space. 

Some use it to prepare for a fight, others take a few deep breaths to calm down. 

We’re more objective when we’re calm.

We’re more understanding and respectful to our partners. 

Practicing the Pause keeps yelling and bickering at bay, and gives both parties a chance to sort things out in a healthy way. 

It creates an opportunity for each partner to own their mistakes, helping them work together to resolve the situation and heal the relationship. 

Communicate with Your Partner

Relationships crumble without communication. 

Without communication, you and your spouse might create scenarios in your mind that don’t even exist! You could ruin your relationship over something that isn’t even real.

Communication is the process of working to understand each other. 

You’ve not communicated until you understand each other. Although you don’t have to agree with what happened, you must understand. 

Each of you should have the chance to speak without being interrupted; both should listen actively with the intention and desire to understand. 

Without communication (a LOT of communication), your relationship will fail. 

It’s your choice: You can either have a strong and healthy relationship or one that’s dysfunctional, filled with blame and miserable. 

For anger, blame, and resentment to be a thing of the past in your relationship, each partner must feel free to share what they truly feel; this is so powerful that it will heal the fractures in your relationship most of the time. 

The key is to address issues and situations as soon as they arise; don’t let them fester for years and years. 

It takes so much for your partner to own up to their mistakes – to choose not to blame. So let them know how much you appreciate them for not playing the blame game. 

Let them know how much you respect them for leaning into a very uncomfortable situation – for choosing to do the hard work of doing whatever it takes to make your marriage stronger, healthier, and happier.