Every married person wants to feel loved by their spouse. They want to know that their spouse cares a great deal for them and that marriage hasn’t changed that.

Since romantic love is such a positive thing, complaining about how much your spouse loves you is frowned upon. Can you imagine telling your husband or wife that he or she loves you too much?

Love Me but Not Too Much

The truth is that no one wants a spouse with appendage-itis. We want someone who loves us and cares about our well being while still allowing us to maintain some individuality. It is burdensome to be in relationship with someone who is hyper-focused on your needs and interests often to their own detriment.

Appendage-itis is usually motivated by insecurity about the relationship more specifically the fear of losing someone. It disregards what the other person wants and uses neediness as a means to control their actions. This type of “love” feels very different from real love which prioritizes the other person’s happiness and by extension their freedom and autonomy.

When you understand the real motivation behind loving “too much” you can stop feeling guilty about feeling smothered and focus you energy on getting the love you want or need.

Teach Your Spouse To Love You

The first and most important thing is to deal with the insecurities behind your spouse’s appendage-it is. Instead of telling your partner to love you less, talk to him or her about how he or she makes you feel. Don’t just say you feel smothered, explain that their behavior makes you feel like they don’t trust you.

Teaching your spouse how you want to be loved isn’t as hard as it sounds. It’s all about being present and giving feedback. Appreciating and complimenting your spouse when they show you love the way you like it and confidently expressing yourself when your spouse does something that you do not like.

Romantic love is a constant negotiation. You’re constantly learning how to love your partner and teaching them how you want to be loved. Just because you’re spouse has appendage-it is doesn’t mean he or she can’t learn to love a little less!