Ever wondered why marriage makes people healthier, wealthier and happier? Well, it’s because married life is sort of like a mirror. It forces us to see who we really are and what we need to adjust and change.

Many of us do not expect marriage to bring out the “worst” in us so it usually comes as a surprise. It’s very tempting for us to blame our spouses for doing things that make us angry and cause us to act out of character. However, knowing what to expect can help us avoid this common pitfall so here are some things that we can expect married life to teach us about ourselves.

How we handle stress

Some people are very vulnerable to stress while others are the voice of calm and reason during stressful situations. Marriage is quite stressful so it helps you discover how you handle stress, what skills you need to learn and what changes you need to make to your lifestyle to make it less stressful and more manageable.

How we communicate

If you don’t already know your style of communication as a couple by the time you walk down the aisle, marriage is bound to teach you.  Within a few months of marriage, you’ll know whether you’re the kind of couple that shares minimal and necessary information without ever diving into a full blown conversation or the kind of couple that has to have a long, drawn-out conversation about everything.

The best way to measure the effectiveness of communication in marriage is to evaluate how you feel after conversations – specifically whether you feel like your needs have been addressed. When communication is good, ideas and feelings flow freely between you and your spouse and each of you feels heard and supported. When it’s not as good, you feel attacked, dismissed and/or controlled.

How much “personal space” we need

Most people don’t discover how much personal space and alone time they need in order to be a fully functioning individual until after they are married. It takes feeling drained or feeling disconnected for them to realize they need more or less personal space.

When you know how much space you’d like, you can communicate your needs to your spouse and establish the necessary boundaries. However, it very important not to say “I need space” and instead be as specific as possible. If you need half an hour to yourself after work, ask for just that.

Married life can teach you a lot about yourself including how you handle stress, how you communicate and how much personal space and alone time you need. If you use this information and advice for newlyweds wisely, you can have the happy marriage you desire.