We’ve all heard that we’re supposed to marry people who share our beliefs and values. However, it doesn’t always work out that way. Some people end up with partners who have opposing ideas on key subjects in spite of all the marriage advice telling them not to do so.

This usually happens because they assumed shared interests meant shared values. They thought that because their partners’ shared their love for ‘90s music and dancing, they’d also share their love for the environment! Obviously, the former has absolutely nothing to do with the latter but people who are madly in love don’t always see this.

Marriage Advice for Newlyweds Who Have Different Values

Understand where your partner is coming from

Instead of out rightly rejecting your spouse’s beliefs and ideas because they’re different from yours, seek to understand where they’re coming from. Explore the reasons behind your spouse’s values; is it because they grew up in a different environment? Were they influenced by family members who hold similar beliefs?

Have non-judgmental and exploratory conversations about the differences in your values. The understanding that you gain from this conversations will help to increase your tolerance of your husband’s or wife’s perspectives.

Seek common ground

Even if your beliefs are different, there are probably things that you agree on.  It’s unlikely that you would have fallen in love and made it all the way to the altar without agreeing on some key things. If you can have some sort of “meeting of the minds”, it will be much easier to live with your differences.

Don’t expect to change your spouse’s values

Even with all the marriage advice out there discouraging it, people still enter into marriages hoping that their spouses will change. While it is not completely impossible to influence your spouse’s position on a certain issue, you shouldn’t expect it. Trying to force things can cause a lot of unnecessary friction.

Consider changing your opinion

If what you and your spouse are disagreeing on is not fundamentally important to you, you might want to consider the possibility that you spouse is “right.” Weight each side of the argument objectively and be open to learning. Don’t let your pride rob you of the opportunity to embrace ideas that are different from your own.

With this marriage advice, you can gain a deeper understanding of your spouse’s values and find common ground instead of fighting over your differences.