Some people realize that they are a lot less compatible than they thought after they are married. It’s why people often say, “he’s/she’s not the person I thought I married.”However, contrary to what many people think, incompatibility doesn’t have to lead to divorce. It is very possible to have a happy marriage with minimal marital problems even after finding out that you’re not as compatible as you thought you were.

In fact, research shows that worrying about compatibility or overstating the importance of relationship compatibility is more harmful to the relationship than actual incompatibility. This is because when a person believes that they are incompatible with their spouse, they tend to blame incompatibility for all their marital problems and are less willing to try and find a solution.

Compatibility Goes Beyond Similarity

When most people think about compatibility, what they are really thinking about is similarity. However, similarity does not equal compatibility. Opposites attract all the time because they complement or complete each other. In fact, research shows that spouses who have complementary relationships are closer and more attracted to each other.

If you think you and your spouse are not compatible, you’re probably looking for compatibility in the wrong place. Start looking for ways in which you and your spouse complement each other by identifying areas where one of you is weak and the other is strong. By helping each other grow in these areas, you can become more complementary and therefore more compatible with each other.

Another thing that you can do is to be more sensitive to your partners needs even when they do not match your own. As long as you both strive to satisfy each other’s emotional and physical needs in the areas where you’re different, you’ll have a happy marriage regardless of your compatibility.

Complementary relationships are just as compatible as relationships where partners have a lot of similarities. Those in complementary relationships just run a higher risk of falling deeper into their differences and forgetting how well they complement each other. So before you take that marriage compatibility test and make your marital problems worse, ask yourself whether yours is a complementary marriage.