You had an affair and your wife or husband found out, but she or he has decided to forgive you and the two of you are on your way to affair recovery. However, everything has changed. Your spouse is a lot more suspicious now, you can tell that the trust isn’t there anymore and you are having marital problems. Will your marriage ever be the same again?

The short answer is “No.” Your marriage will probably never be the same again but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Why would you want to go back to the way things were before? Clearly, things weren’t that good otherwise the affair would never have happened in the first place. What you need to do is find a new and better “normal.”

Getting Back the Love and Trust

The first thing you need to know is that the road ahead of you is going to be longer and harder than you have imagined. This isn’t meant to scare you but to let you know that rebuilding trust is a long process, which is going to require all the patience you can muster.

If you go into it expecting your spouse to acknowledge all the changes and efforts you have made since the affair, you’ll probably be disappointed. You may have to listen to your partner expressing their anger and disappointment in you multiple times. You may also have to answer questions about the affair over and over again. Telling them to “get over it” will not be an option.

Also keep in mind that forgiveness is a process not an event. Your spouse may say and believe that they have forgiven you but they’re probably not there yet.

While your spouse heals from the betrayal, make an effort to stay out of “suspicious situations.” Find out what situations make your spouse uneasy and avoid them. This will help to alleviate your spouse’s anxieties.

At the same time, be affectionate, attentive and appreciative of your time. Tell and show your partner how much you love them every day. This is important because your spouse will be questioning your love and will require a lot more reassurance. If you remain patient and do your best to me a good spouse, your married life will get better and better with time until the affair recovery is complete.