In an ideal world, spouses would be equally committed to fixing their marital problems and improving their marriages. However, this is not always the case. Sometimes one spouse gives up on the marriage and stops trying to fix it leaving the other spouse to do all the work.

It is frustrating to be the only one trying to figure out how to fix a marriage but it doesn’t mean that you cannot succeed. The first thing you need to do is figure out the reasoning behind your husband’s or wife’s lack of effort.

Why Your Spouse Won’t Work on Your Marriage

It’s possible that your spouse doesn’t think that your marriage is in trouble. If this is the case, they probably think that you are making mountains out of a mole hills by trying to fix your marital problems. Your partner may also think that you are focusing too much on the negative aspects of your married life rather than focusing on the positive ones.

It’s also possible that your spouse feels pressured to work on the marriage and therefore they are less enthusiastic about it. If your partner feels like they have little or no choice in the matter, they will grow to resent the process.

Lastly, your spouse may be afraid that you are going to take their desire to work on the marriage as an open invitation to tell them everything they are doing wrong or lacking. Ignorance is bliss and more often than not, people would rather not know the many ways in which they are not perfect.

How to Get Your Spouse to Work on Your Marriage

For starters, you might want to consider eliminating words such as “fixing” and “working on” from your vocabulary. These words have negative connotations that can make your spouse wary and defensive. Think about it. Telling your spouse that you would like to spend more time together or go on more dates is way better than telling them you want to “work on your marriage.”

Secondly, you need to shift the focus from your resolving your marital problems to improving your connection. This way, you can have a light hearted fun together without feeling the pressure to immediately resolve your problems.