Marital problems can be very frustrating. It is not uncommon for struggling couples to feel like they have tried everything but still can’t figure out how to fix a marriage.

One of the main reasons why couples feel this way is not because they have actually tried everything, but because they keep doing the same ineffective things over and over again. For instance, there are couples who have been going to marriage counseling for years but their marriages are still in as much trouble as they were when they first started counseling.

Figure Out Why It Isn’t Working

It isn’t enough to know that everything you have tried so far hasn’t worked; you owe it to yourself to find out what exactly isn’t working and why it isn’t working. Maybe there are some things that you need to work on individually – such as childhood traumas, insecurity and jealousy– before you can begin to work on your relationship issues.

In the case of counseling, it could be that your counselor isn’t right for you and is not providing direction or helping you figure out how to fix a marriage. It could also be that the hopelessness and the thought that you’ve already tried “everything” is hindering you from trying new things. Whatever the issue is, you are going to need to do a lot of soul searching and communicating in order to figure it out.

Try ‘Everything’ More Than Once

If you’ve only tried something once, you do not have enough information to conclude that it isn’t working! For instance, if you only went to counseling for a few weeks before giving up and deciding it wasn’t working, try it again preferably with a different counselor. If you only tried to change your behavior for a few weeks before deciding that it is part of who you are and you are too set in your ways to change, try it again this time with individual counseling. If you have tried talking to your partner about your issues multiple times but they still don’t seem to get it, keep trying until they hear you.

If it feels like you have tried everything, it is probably time to figure out what exactly about what you’re doing is preventing you from figuring out how to fix a marriage.