The need for closeness is a natural part of married life, and it can be very frustrating to feel misunderstood by the person you love. Usually, the person who feels misunderstood either becomes clingy and tries harder to get their spouse to “get” them or becomes withdrawn and detached.

The best way to deal with feeling misunderstood is to figure out what your spouse is doing that is making you feel that way and then talk to them about it. Here are a few questions to help you dig deeper into that part of your married life.

• Does your spouse lean in or pull away, when you are having an emotional moment?
• Does your husband or wife empathize with your feelings and validate your concerns?
• Does your partner paraphrase your concerns and put them in their own words which are almost always wrong and not even close to what you meant?
• How does your spouse respond to your views, opinions and humor? Does he or she get it and respond the way you expect?

Once you have figured out what exactly bothers you, you can go ahead and ask your spouse to help you understand his/her perspective. Start by expressing gratitude for the times that he or she gets you and does the right thing. You don’t want to make your partner feel like they can’t do anything right. Finally, express your desire to understand why your husband or wife sometimes doesn’t offer the emotional support that you need.

Listen carefully to his/her response because it will enable you to give feedback and help your partner understand you better. For instance, if your spouse expresses that he or she doesn’t know how to react to your emotions and concerns, you can easily fix the problem by simply expressing what you would like.

Feeling misunderstood is almost always the result of poor communication in marriage. Therefore, communication is the most effective way to resolve the issue and get back to having a good marriage and happy married life.