A few weeks ago we talked about how negative internal dialogue / self-talk can destroy a happy marriage. We explained that the only way to keep negative self-talk from hurting your marriage is to replace it with positive self talk. In this article we offer a few more tips on how to go about changing how you talk to yourself.

Don’t Think ill of Your Spouse

Many people know not to speak ill of their spouses but they have no qualms thinking ill of their spouses. They don’t realize that such negativity only invites more negativity.

When a couple is having marital problems, negative self talk can only fan the flames and breed animosity. This animosity is manifested in the way couple acts towards each other.

The way to stop thinking ill of your spouse is to consciously shift to positive thoughts every time you catch yourself doing it. If you catch yourself thinking “he/she is so inconsiderate,” shift your train of thought to something that your partner does well. Build him or her up in your mind.

Balancing your attention between your spouse’s negatives and positives ensures that your actions and the words that come out of your mouth are balanced as well. It’s also much easier to resolve marriage problems when your mind isn’t constantly criticizing your partner.

Give Your Spouse Permission to be Less Than Perfect

Negative personal dialogue often comes from placing impossible standards on ourselves and those around us. This kind of dialogue can be really hard to change because deep within ourselves, we believe that others are not trying hard enough.

If you truly want to harness the power of positive self-talk for a happy marriage, you need to give your spouse permission to fail to live up to your fantasy of a perfect wife/husband. You don’t actually need to tell your spouse that you are giving them permission to be less than perfect. That could be misinterpreted to mean that you don’t believe in them. You just need to learn to stop yourself every time you start comparing your partner to your idea of a perfect partner.

When it comes to communication in marriage, how you talk to yourself about your partner and your marriage is just as important as how you talk to your partner. For a long and happy marriage, you must make it your goal to constantly talk up your partner and your marriage to yourself.