Imagine that all your thoughts about your marriage and your spouse were being recorded. Would you want your husband or wife to listen to that recording? Would they be happy with it or would it cause marital problems?

We all talk to ourselves! Our self-talk or internal dialogue helps us to make sense of what is going on around us and has a great impact on how we view the world.

Unfortunately, about 77% of the average person’s internal dialogue is negative. This is because self talk is basically a collection of assumptions and conclusions that occur without careful reasoning or reflection. However, this doesn’t stop our brains from accepting it as truthful and valid even when it is not.

Negative Self-Talk Causes Marital Problems

Negative self-talk is your marriage’s worst enemy. If you speak negatively to yourself about your marriage and spouse often enough, you will begin to have negative feelings – such as anger and resentment – towards them. These negative feelings will in turn impede positive feelings such as happiness and kindness as well as communication in marriage. Before you know it, you will begin to act out these feelings and since your spouse can’t read your mind, he or she is bound feel blindsided when you begin unleashing negative feelings that they didn’t know you had.

Improve Your Self Talk

The best way to stop the domino effect of negative self-talk is to replace such talk with more rational and truthful talk. Before you can do that, you must learn how to monitor and recognize negative internal dialogue. Ask yourself “What am I telling myself about my marriage or my significant other?”

Every time you catch yourself thinking something negative about your marriage or your spouse, reflect upon it and examine its truthfulness. The idea is to replace your negative talk with positive but realistic talk.

For instance, if you catch yourself thinking “he/she never spends time with me.” Think through that thought and replace it with a more realistic and less absolute thought such as “he/she spends quality time with me on the weekends and although it is not as much as I would like, I will do my best to enjoy it.”

Negative self-talk is one of the less obvious causes of divorce. Few couples realize that the negative things they say to themselves about their spouses and marriages can lead to marriage-ending marital problems.