There is a common misconception that conflict or confrontation in marriage is bad and should be avoided at all costs. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Conflict helps to open up communication on difficult subjects and get everything out in the open. Arguing and confronting your marital problems openly is much better than keeping everything bottled up inside until you explode. Arguing dissipates anger, which is why it is almost always followed by a period of calm.

What’s so Bad About Avoiding Conflict?

The worst thing about conflict avoidance is that it stifles communication in marriage. It keeps spouses from expressing negative emotions to each other and causes them to miss out on a huge part of marriage – complete openness and honesty with each other. A couple can never know true emotional intimacy unless they are completely open with each other about their negative emotions.

Conflicts are like signposts that help you navigate relationship issues. They tell you whether or not your spouse is happy and satisfied with your relationship. If you can look beyond the anger and listen to the message behind the words, you’ll be able to figure out which areas of your relationship need work. However, if you avoid conflict, you might not know what your marital problems are until it is too late to fix them.

Make Sure You Fight the Right Way

Just because you are fighting doesn’t mean that you can use unfair and hurtful tactics such as name calling or slamming doors to tip the scales in your favor. In order for conflict to be beneficial to your relationship you need to fight fair.

When you fight fair, you listen to your spouse and treat them with respect even if you do not agree with what they are saying. You also find a way to get your point across without tearing your partner or their point of view down.

Are you afraid to fight because you believe that conflict indicates the presence of marital problems? Are you afraid that fighting will ruin your marriage and would rather suffer in silence? What you need to realize is that fighting – as long as it’s fair – is sometimes necessary for a healthy and happy marriage.