All married couples go through ups and downs. They go through periods of emotional ecstasy when they cannot stand to be apart and periods of frustration when they would rather be apart. The trick to finding happiness in an unhappy marriage lies in finding the middle ground.

Work on your relationship with God

A good relationship with God is the strongest basis for a happy marriage. Having a good relationship with God brings out your true nature – as God’s likeness. It brings out a more patient, selfish and caring version of you and enables you to practice Christly love towards your spouse.

Find personal happiness

People treat others better when they are happy. Therefore, if you want to be more loving and caring towards your spouse, work on your own happiness.

Although studies show that married people are happier than their unmarried counterparts, you should not expect marriage to make you happy. Marriage cannot meet your need for personal happiness and it’s not a good idea to place such unrealistic expectations on it.

Expand your definition of happiness

What does happiness mean to you?

Is it a feeling of intense pleasure and ecstasy or an internal sense of well being and contentment?

Happiness is a combination of these two feelings. However, many people do not consider themselves happy unless they are “ecstatic.” Unfortunately, emotional ecstasy is usually short lived and often leaves you yearning for more.

One way to find happiness in an unhappy marriage is to recognize that you do not need to be ecstatic to be happy.  A sense of contentment and well being is just as good.

Change your focus

Many folks are unhappy because they choose to dwell on what is wrong with their marriages. If you want to be happy, you need to make a conscious effort to notice the good things and, if necessary, actively look for things to be happy about.

Happiness is invigorating. It gives you the energy you need to work on your unhappy marriage and deal with your marital problems.