Marital problems and disagreements are inevitable in marriage.  What matters is how you deal with them. However, as long as there is healthy communication about the issues, they can be a springboard to a better, happier marriage.

What does healthy communication in relationships look like?

Focus is a key component of healthy communication in a marriage. When talking about a relationship issue, it is important to remain focused on the issue at hand and avoid bring up past issues or situations. Past relationship issues can cloud the present issue and make it impossible to find a solution.

Listening is another key indicator of healthy communication in a relationship. Note that there is a big difference between listening and hearing. To succeed in marriage, you have to learn to listen without interrupting, becoming defensive and most importantly, without thinking about how you are going to respond.

Making your spouse feel heard – Just because you are listening doesn’t mean that your spouse feels heard. To make your spouse feel heard, you have to try and see things from their point of view. No matter how strongly you feel about your point of view, you should also try to see where your spouse is coming from.  Put yourself in their shoes.

Empathy comes naturally when you put yourself in your spouse’s shoes. Even when you are having marital problems, it’s hard not to react with empathy your spouse is in pain. Also, empathy breeds empathy. Your partner is more likely to be empathetic towards you if you are empathetic towards them.

Taking responsibility for your mistakes is also a big part of healthy communication. Resist the urge to blame your spouse for everything. If you are having problems it is highly unlikely that you are completely blameless. Admitting what’s yours diffuses the situation and makes it easier for the two of you to find a solution.

Compromising is better than winning, at least in marriage. When you have a conversation with your spouse both of you should come out of the conversation feeling like winners. Your goal when dealing with marital problems should be to find solutions that you can both be happy with.