Stop Your Divorce And Save Your Marriage Part 3: The Emotional Costs Of Divorce
A common marital myth that many unhappy couples fall prey to today is that divorce is a pathway from misery to happiness.
Studies suggest otherwise.
In fact, according to a report by a team of family scholars at the University of Chicago, it was discovered that unhappily married adults who divorced or separated were no happier, on average, than unhappily married adults who stayed married.
The study found that even unhappy spouses who had divorced and remarried were no happier, on average, than unhappy spouses who stayed married. This was true even after controlling for race, age, gender, and income.
According to the team of family scholars at the University of Chicago, and the Institute For American Values, it was concluded:
- Divorce doesn’t diminish depression
- Divorce doesn’t increase self-esteem
- The majority of divorces (74%) happened to couples who were happily married five years previously
- 75% of unhappily married adults were married to a spouse who was happy with the marriage
- 86% of unhappily married adults reported no violence in their relationship
- *** Two out of three unhappily married adults who avoided divorce or separation ended up happily married five years later
- When divorced couples were rated on 12 parameters of psychological well-being, it was discovered, according to the Institute For American Values, that they were no happier five years after their divorce.
Here is a link to the USA Today article that reported on this fascinating research study: http://www.americanvalues.org/html/usa_today_article.html
The USA Today article says, “Divorce doesn’t necessarily make adults happy. But toughing it out in an unhappy marriage until it turns around just might.”
According to one of the family researches of the study, Linda Waite, “The most troubled marriages reported the biggest turn-arounds. Of the most discontented, about 80% were happy five years later.”
I’ve said it before and I’ll keep saying it: Your marriage is good enough to save.
The emotional cost of divorce just isn’t worth because it doesn’t yield the solution you’re hoping to find.
And it gets worse. When the litigation component is studied, one finds that many married couples who have chosen divorce, want to end their marriage in the quickest, least painful manner, legally. BUT divorce lawyers, generally speaking, find it to be more profitable to persuade their clients to drag things out and engage their spouses in bitter battles.
In the end, the divorcing couple is financially spent and emotionally bankrupt.
Care to hear a lawyer’s thoughts on the matter? A lawyer from a certain law firm has this to say:
“And whether we notice it or not… marriage is way more like “Joe and Wilma, Inc.” than “happily ever after.” When we say “I do” we then enter into an economic partnership. We buy cars, houses, books, big-screen TVs. We make babies. We make plans. We make assumptions. We get disappointed…Like shareholders, we have invested in the partnership. We invest time, we invest money and we invest emotions. We invest all of these in hopes, and we invest all these things in dreams, and we invest all of these in security. Rare is the man or woman who can walk away from these investments… so de-investing is painful.”
Wouldn’t it be better to avoid the irreparable heart ache altogether and find the happiness you so desperately seek?
Nobody cares more about your marriage than you do. Not your best friend, your therapist, and especially not a divorce attorney.
You owe it to yourself to take charge of your relationship and make things better because there is no such thing as a painless divorce or a perfect marriage, for that matter.
So doesn’t it make sense to work things out with the person you were happily married to not so long ago? Of course it does; you can do this.
Avoid the long-term relationship trauma. You have the power within yourself to avoid all of those wounds and scars. All it takes is courage, patience and prayer, and you will be mad about marriage again.