Stop Your Divorce And Save Your Marriage Part 1
THE MYTH ABOUT DIVORCE THAT JUST WON’T DIE
Many unhappy wives and husbands believe that getting a divorce, although admittedly painful, will make them happier in the long run.
This is a myth.
In general, spouses who have fallen under the spell of this myth, do so because they blame their husband or wife for the failure of their marital relationship; they either avoid, or are blinded, to their own failures and shortcomings.
BLAME BLAME BLAME
Blaming other people for marriage problems justifies the decision to end the relationship, and it releases one from the painful process of self-introspection and reflection.
Blame is a shortcut for dealing with conflict; it’s easy and convenient, too.
YOU’RE NOT A PERFECT 10 EITHER
A wife or husband who blames their spouse for their marriage problems is someone who refuses to acknowledge their own unreasonable demands and unrealistic expectations.
No one is perfect. There is no “Mr. Right.” And the problems you have in your first marriage are likely to be repeated to some degree in your second marriage. So it’s best to deal with your marriage problems right now once-and-for-all.
Isn’t it odd how a man and woman who pledged their love to one another and made a sacred promise to be there for each other through better or worse, can so easily forget their commitment when life becomes difficult, inconvenient, and disappointing?
Why is this?
One reason is because of the consumerism of our society. We view life through the eyes of a person who can buy, sell, or give away what we no longer need or want.
Some have called this culture a “disposable society” where we delete, purge and shred what we no longer need or want.
So when the day comes that our “lawfully wedded husband (or wife)” is no longer of interest or use to us, or maintaining the relationship is too complicated or difficult, then divorce is only a phone call away.
We’ve made it too easy to walk away from love. And at the end of the day what we’re really trying to walk away from, and don’t realize it, is ourselves
UGLY SIDE OF DIVORCE
Divorce is the easy way out of taking responsibility for our actions, decisions – and ultimately ourselves.
Divorce is the easy way out of walking away from a marriage that is good enough to save – and deserves to be saved.
Divorce deconstructs what two people spent years creating.
Do you really want to know who benefits from divorce? Lawyers.
In the eyes of some lawyers, divorce is much like an assembly line business where love is dismantled and relationships are mothballed.
Lawyers who lack integrity will use every loophole and trick to distribute assets and inflict emotional pain while constantly brainwashing you with the mantras “You deserve to happy”, “They don’t deserve you” or “This is best for the kids.”
The divorce process, in many cases, becomes ugly and bitter and mean. The husband and wife are so hostile and vindictive towards each other that they are often blind to the pain of their children.
DIVORCE AND CHILDREN
The children, despite what they may say, are deeply wounded during the divorce process (we’ll cover this topic in an upcoming post).
Divorce brings out the worst in human nature because a husband and wife will use the children as a weapon to inflict great pain upon each other.
Whoever says and believes that divorce doesn’t hurt children or that it’s in their best interest, is naive at best or liars at worst.
If the children had their way, mom and dad would figure out a way to work things out and keep the family together.
If your marriage is in trouble and you’ve been thinking about divorce, then I appeal to you today to be more determined about saving your relationship.
Stop living a life of reaction where you allow yourself to be emotionally swayed by the highs and lows of your relationship like a cork bobbing along on the waves.
Take charge of you relationship.
Choose to be strong and to act with integrity.
Use your unhappiness as the motivation you need to fix the relationship and not to end it.
Your marriage is a good enough to save. And when you save your marriage you are saving your family’s world.
In the next post of this Stop Your Divorce And Save Your Marriage series, we will continue exploring the unpleasant side of divorce, specifically the financial toll (this will astonish you) that it takes.
Until then, if you’re contemplating divorce, I urge you to put your thoughts and plans on hold because it is possible, and very likely if you follow the relationship advice on this blog, for you to be mad about marriage again.