Common Marriage Problems Part One: Complacency
Marital complacency is kind of subtle because often times the couple doesn’t realize that there was even a problem until the damage has been done.
We all know that a good marriage takes work (okay…a LOT of work). But when people get married they tend to relax and bask in the glow of their new found happiness. Then, for many, they start to coast. And if they are not careful, the relationship can quickly become routine, mundane and, well, complacent.
Couples have the idea that stuff like marital complacency will work itself out on its own. But what if it doesn’t? And how could we ever expect marital complacency to work itself out on its own when it lacks to very important ingredients for doing so: motivation and desire. I mean, we’re talking about complacency here.
What makes the situation worse for couples who have fallen into the doldrums of marital complacency is that they are often pressed for time – meaningful time to engage each other. So issues are rarely discussed (if at all).
And if the couple manages to chisel out a little time for each other they are usually too tired to express their love and appreciation, let alone have a little fun. This creates marital complacency. And before long, this kind of routine usually causes boredom. And when boredom occurs, marriage problems set in.
Within no time it’s easy for a spouse to begin feeling neglected, unimportant, unloved and undervalued. Though some outspoken spouses will inform their partners that they no longer feel important, others will just stay quiet, which strengthens marital complacency and leads to further marriage problems.
Unfortunately, most married people will just brush aside this issue because they assume that their partner knows how they feel about them. Trust me when I tell you that this is one of the early warning signs of a marriage in trouble.
If we ignore these early warning signs, then our spouse might feel that we consider our day-to-day routine to be more important to us than they are — they might not even realize or be aware of our workload and responsibilities. To them, it’s just a big red flag that they are no longer first in our life.
Despite the pressures of marriage and work, we need to show our partner how much we value them. Most common marriage problems such as complacency, boredom, infidelity and lack of trust occur when we fail to spend time with our partner. To make marriage work, we need to be intentional about investing effort and energy into our marriage or else watch it crumble away before our very eyes.
It only takes a small thoughtful gesture to show that you still love your spouse. (For example at the end of a long hard day, you might offer to rub their shoulders or massage their feet.)
In addition to these little gestures, you should compliment your spouse regularly. Let your spouse know that you love, respect and cherish them — and that you are glad to be with them – and are so happy that they are in your life.
No matter how hard life gets, do not lose intimate moments. Touch hands when you pass one another around the house, kiss one another hello and goodbye, hold hands when you are walking, and hug each other warmly every day.
Marital complacency is a sneaky little problem. Never assume that you and your spouse know each other so well that you don’t need to work on your relationship. All marriages require loving nurture and care to flourish and yield a lifetime of joy and happiness.