How to Avoid Divorce and Save the Marriage
But as is often the case, conflicts and bitterness creep in, and eventually the couple wakes up in the dreary world of “irreconcilable differences” wondering how it ever came to this.
Although divorce might seem like a good option (especially since so many couples are doing it), it’s the least effective way to solve marital conflict.
Taking divorce off the table and doing whatever it takes to save your marriage is the best option. This also avoids the social, psychological, financial and spiritual damage that a divorce will cause.
A potential damaging result of divorce is living alone or having a sense of loneliness or isolation. Contrary to what some people might think, it is not easy (or healthy) for a man or woman to be alone.
Marriage and relationships are vital for creating whole person wellness. (In fact, some societies consider marriage to be prestigious and look down upon single and separated people — this is wrong, of course, but it is interesting.) Besides, marriage provides personal and social stability and helps to satisfy our physical, emotional and spiritual needs.
Additionally, we all know that divorce and separation can have serious adverse effects on the children. Their tender minds can be seriously affected by the absence of one parent, giving rise to psychological problems.
Prolonged psychological disturbance may affect their ability to lead a normal life later on. Needless to say, your children are one of the main reasons why your marriage is worth saving — they deserve it. You owe it to them to do whatever it takes to repair your relationship.
But trying to save a marriage isn’t easy, that’s for sure.
One of the hardest things to do is to acknowledge your role and take responsibility for your share in creating the problems/conflict.
The natural inclination is to blame your spouse for causing the marital strife. But that isn’t right.
Want to avoid divorce and save your marriage? Then follow these steps:
1) To save your marriage, stop casting blame on your spouse. Take responsibility for your mistakes.
2) Focus on yourself and do what you can to become a better person — work on your issues.
3) Take inventory of any red flags that could be sources of conflict in your relationship such as:
- broken trust
- poor communication
- emotional abuse
- lack of sex
- lack of respect.
Do any of those red flags exist in your relationship? Then roll up your sleeves and get to work finding solutions. Find a therapist, a Christian marriage counselor, a seminar, book, support group, whatever. Just take action.
Doing this early on improves the chances of your marriage being saved.
It seems most of the time divorce occurs due to a lack of understanding and compromise — or because the couple waited too long to work on things.
To avoid divorce and save your marriage, you must be willing to tame your ego and take the initiative to resolve your relationship problems. As it’s been said many times before, you can be right or be happy. The choice is yours.
To avoid divorce and save your marriage you will need some ground rules. Here they are:
- demonstrate a willingness to listen, really listen, to your partner
- make a genuine effort to not only listen but to understand them
- stay calm and avoid arguing, blaming, rationalizing, or criticising
- be polite and show courtesy and respect (don’t roll your eyes)
- ask questions – clarify issues to better understand the source of conflict and to heal it.
I’ve already said this but I’ll say it again. If you are having a hard time solving problems on your own, then you owe it to your spouse, yourself, and your children, to enlist the services of a qualified Christian marriage counselor (I recommend Christian counselors because usually divorce is off the table and is only an option in only the most severe situations.)
A counselor will help you to become aware of your mistakes and to work through the conflict in finding lasting solutions.
Counseling also helps couples to improve their communications skills.
Depending on how bad the situation is, the counselor may recommend a trial separation that is temporary in order to defuse the tension. This gives time for you to think about your relationship problems and to come up with innovative ways to save your marriage.
Although the advice in this article might appear simple at first blush, don’t kid yourself (have you actually tried this stuff?).
A couple who practices these simple steps to avoid divorce, greatly increase the odds of saving their marriage. So don’t put it off any longer. Better days are just around the corner.