Forgive for a Happy Marriage

Forgiveness can rescue and save a marriage from being torn apart by anger, and it has the power to restore peace and happiness.

In this post, I’ll share a case study of a wife we will call Amanda.  Amanda had been with her partner for 12 years.

Recently, her husband did not come home one evening. She later learned that he had spent the night with a former partner.

Though he pleaded for her to forgive him, Amanda couldn’t bring herself to do it because she felt so angry.

Just the idea of forgiving him made her feel like a fool. And although she chose not to end the marriage, she continues to struggle with anger issues.

What do you think? Should Amanda forgive her cheating spouse? Only she can make that decision of course.

Only a few marriages survive infidelity but it is possible. In fact, some marriages have been known to grow stronger after an affair.

There are several misconceptions about forgiveness that Amanda, and others like her, should know that can help with any anger issues.

Misconception #1: When you forgive, you should forget about what happened.
This isn’t true at all.  Just because you forgive your cheating spouse doesn’t mean you should forget about it.

If you can remember the particular experience without feeling the pain, then you have truly forgiven your spouse.

Misconception #2: Forgiveness equals approval.
Contrary to this opinion, you can forgive a cheating spouse without approving of their actions.

Even though you forgive them, the cheating spouse needs to acknowledge that his or her actions were unjust, unfair and unacceptable. Let them know that they violated your trust but that you are choosing to forgive them.

Misconception #3: Forgiving someone requires you tell them that you forgave them.
You don’t have to tell you spouse that you forgave them — just forgive them. The truth is, it is enough for you to forgive without actually telling them that you have forgiven them. Forgiveness is a process that takes time.

Misconception #4: Forgiveness = immediate trust.
Choosing to forgive someone, and then choosing to trust them again, are  two separate issues and should be treated as such.

Even after you have forgiven your spouse, rebuilding trust takes time. In fact, only a person of questionable mental health would trust his or her partner immediately after their trust has been violated.

It might also make the offending party feel that he or she has permission to continue being unfaithful.  The message needs to be clear that the cheating spouse must earn back their partner’s trust through consistent and faithful behavior.

Misconception #5: Forgiveness automatically creates good feelings towards your spouse.
Just because you have chosen to forgive them does not mean that you will be emotionally prepared to immediately feel love for them. At this point, being neutral is good enough.

Unfortunately, some couples never solve their marriage problems and are forced to go their separate ways.

Misconception # 6 Forgiveness is instant.
This isn’t entirely true. Complete forgiveness may take time. However, if you really want to enjoy a happy marriage once again, then you must learn and offer true forgiveness