It seems we often hear about spending quality and quantity time with our spouse, but what about time with ourselves?

Although many couples would benefit from spending more time together, can you actually spend too much time with your significant other?

Is it possible that a marriage could be healthier if spouses gave each other a little more elbow room?

I know it sounds a little strange, maybe even wrong, but I think husbands and wives need space.

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You Need Space to Breathe and Grow

You need quality time alone to connect with yourself, pursue goals that matter to you, and simply be who you are outside of your role as a spouse.

Your spouse needs the same.

We all need time to decompress, think, dream, and relax. We need time to simply exist and enjoy life.

If you are the kind of person who is always giving and never taking time to care for yourself, there is a good chance that one day you will feel resentful, depleted, or even bitter.

Healthy relationships are not built on constant togetherness. They are built on two healthy individuals choosing to come together.

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Ideas to Get You Started

If you are not sure what this kind of personal time could look like, here are a few ideas to spark your thinking:

• Go fishing
• Go hiking
• Schedule regular time at the gym
• Read a book you actually enjoy
• Learn a new language
• Learn to sing
• Enroll in a martial arts class
• Go golfing
• Learn how to scuba dive
• Learn to play the guitar or piano
• Mentor a child as a big brother or big sister
• Take up astronomy
• Buy the camera you have always wanted and start taking photos again
• Go to a ballgame and enjoy your favorite team
• Get your pilot’s license
• Wake up an hour earlier to meditate and reflect

The goal is not productivity. The goal is life-giving space for you as a person.

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How to Make This Work in Your Marriage

This only works well when it is handled with care and communication. Here are some simple steps:

Step 1
Affirm your spouse and make it clear that you enjoy being with them. This is not about escape. It is about health.

Step 2
Share the idea and talk together about the importance of having personal space for growth and self-connection.

Step 3
Talk about anything your spouse has wanted to do personally but has been putting off. Encourage them to pursue it.

Step 4
Share your own interests and things you have been wanting to explore.

Step 5
Support each other in those passions, hobbies, and goals instead of competing with them.

Step 6
Put it on the calendar. It becomes real when it is scheduled. Maybe that looks like one evening a week or every other week that is set aside for personal time.

Step 7
Continue to support each other by showing interest in what the other is learning or experiencing.

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You Need Time Alone

You and your spouse both need time alone to grow, develop, and do things that bring personal enjoyment and fulfillment.

And yes, it might sound counterintuitive, but healthy personal space often leads to a healthier marriage.

When both people are growing individually, they bring more energy, more interest, and more life back into the relationship.

That means your time together becomes richer, not weaker.

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Start practicing this simple relationship principle today and watch what happens.

A healthier you often leads to a healthier marriage.