Let’s be real—men can drive you crazy, can’t they? Sometimes, something that’s so obvious to a woman seems to fly right over a man’s head. It can feel frustrating, especially when you’re trying to work through issues in your marriage.

But here’s a little secret about men: We love relationships.

We want strong marriages. We care deeply about our wives and genuinely want to make them happy. Above all, we want a healthy, lasting relationship. We’re not cavemen just lumbering through life, grunting and pointing at things that amuse us.

In fact, men are just as complex as women—just different.

Men Think Differently (And That’s OK)

If you’re a wife reading this, it’s important to understand that your husband’s thought processes are likely very different from yours. And that’s perfectly normal. There’s no right or wrong—just differences in how each of you processes emotions, problems, and solutions.

For instance, if your marriage is facing difficulties, you and your husband may be approaching the situation in totally different ways. The problem isn’t that one of you is wrong; it’s just that you think differently about how to handle it. And, the good news is, those differences extend to finding solutions, too.

Why Men Avoid Marriage Counseling

One classic approach to resolving marriage issues is seeing a marriage counselor. However, truth be told, men aren’t always comfortable with this idea. It’s not that we don’t care about the relationship; it’s just that many men feel uneasy opening up to a stranger about personal issues. We don’t always find it easy to articulate our feelings, especially when we’re in a vulnerable situation.

If your husband resists counseling, don’t take it personally. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t value the marriage. It just means that traditional solutions—like sitting in a counselor’s office—might not resonate with him.

What Can You Do Instead?

If your marriage is in trouble, there are other ways to get the help you need that are more in line with how men think. Compromise is key. Yes, counseling is one option, but it shouldn’t be the only option.

There are alternative ways to connect with a counselor:  one-on-one, through zoom sessions, and more. There are alternative resources that may work for your situation. A helpful book like “A Couple’s Guide to Communication” by John Gottman, or “Mad About Marriage” .

You’re in this marriage together, so you need to work through things together. And that means finding solutions that both of you can embrace.

Understanding how your husband thinks can make a huge difference in how you approach marriage problems. Instead of being mad about your marriage, you’ll find yourself more in tune with each other again. So, let’s work through this together!