Nobody gets married thinking they’re destined for unhappily ever after. Nor can they know how rocky the road ahead might be. 

But although life throws unwanted surprises at us along our marital journey, having the marriage of our dreams is possible. It’s a matter of adapting and intentionally creating the kind of marriage we want.

Here are four key life lessons to help you have your happily ever after:

Forgive To Be Happy

Happy couples are forgiving couples. They overlook shortcomings and give each other grace. 

Marriage isn’t perfect; it has its share of pain and disappointments, as I’m sure you know.   

Perhaps you struggle with forgiveness and are surprised at how some people forgive so easily. 

Spouses who forgive don’t just do it for their partner; they do it for themselves and the sake of their marriage.

According to Karen Swartz, M.D., a psychiatry professional at Johns Hopkins School of Medicine, “[Forgiveness] is an active process in which you make a conscious decision to let go of negative feelings whether the person deserves it or not.”

Forgiveness isn’t allowing yourself to be a doormat where you let your spouse walk all over your feelings. And it isn’t something you do to gloss over and cope with bad behavior. Nor does it magically restore trust with an abuser. 

Forgiveness creates the opportunity for a new beginning and a fresh start. 

The process of someone saying “I’m sorry” and you forgiving them is an agreement to release all the negative effects of the hurtful action and an acknowledgment that things will change moving forward. 

If you want a happy marriage, forgive. Forgive fully and often. But if your spouse refuses to change and keeps hurting you, it’s time for you to change how you engage them and how they interact with you. 

Forgiveness isn’t permission for them to keep hurting you. 

Your “Origin” Story Doesn’t Define You

You’re who you are because of everything that’s happened to you from birth. And it’s how you responded to each of these events that have shaped who you are today.

In some ways, the things that happen to you affect the trajectory of your life. However, it’s your decisions about how you respond and who you choose to become that matter most. 

So, take the time to think about your decisions and how you respond to external factors. Choose the most favorable option to unlock your best life and happiest marriage. And bring God’s power and presence into the situation, too, because He’s on your side and has the wisdom and power you need.

Learn To Disconnect

Safeguard your time and energy by unplugging. Disconnecting isn’t a bad thing. The world will be waiting for you when you come back. 

Devote time to things you enjoy doing or would like to learn. 

Live your life!

And never downplay the value of spending time with the people you care about most. 

Here are some tips to help you unplug to take care of yourself physically and emotionally.

• Get between 15 and 30 minutes of exercise daily.
• Get enough sleep each night.
• Make healthy eating choices. 
• Keep a journal to express your emotions and record your wins! 
• Connect with nature for at least 5 to 10 minutes daily.
• Practice deep breathing and meditation to reduce stress and anxiety, boost the immune system, and improve digestion.

It stands to reason that when you feel better and are happier, you’ll also have a happier and stronger marriage. 

Embrace Adulthood

Temper tantrums, sulking, giving the silent treatment, being rude, or keeping score are childish behaviors and foolish games because they are ways of trying to control, manipulate, or punish your spouse. 

Behaving and treating your spouse that way becomes toxic.

If you want a happy and satisfying marriage, you can’t allow your feelings to control your mood and actions. 

You must never forget what’s most important to you: a happy, blissful, and healthy marriage, which means there will be times when you have to roll up your sleeves and get to work and make things right so you can be happy. 

What’s one lesson you can apply right now? Do you have something to forgive, a part of your origin story to delete, a decision to make, or something to fix? 

Make the most of 2024 by applying these lessons to your life and relationship with your spouse to unlock your best life and happiest marriage!