Photo by Madison Oren on Unsplash

Why does it seem negativity is so easily triggered? 

It can begin with a thought or feeling or in response to something someone said that was unkind or negative. Like an anchor, negativity drags you down. If you let it, your focus shifts from optimism to pessimism, and you start imagining the worst about a person or situation, which is the last thing you or your marriage needs.

You start worrying about things and feeling sorry for yourself. If you allow negativity to run wild long enough, you might start thinking, “What’s the point? Nothing will ever get better. This is just one big mistake.”

Sometimes, negativity makes people self-critical – they turn on themselves, beating themselves up or engaging in self-blame, guilt, and self-shaming.

Overcoming negativity is possible. Here are five tips to get you started:

Encourage yourself to find the good 

Just because you’re dealing with a challenging situation doesn’t mean there isn’t a silver lining somewhere in the “mess.”

So, counteract negativity with questions that help you feel better and from which you can learn and grow:

What is one good thing about this situation or a potential blessing?

What choice can I make for a healthier outcome next time?

What can I learn from this experience?

How would my best friend support and help me in this situation?

How can I be kind and give compassion and forgiveness to myself?

What opportunity can I find?

Asking better questions creates better outcomes.

You’re not a Loser! 

It’s easy to feel like a failure when negativity strikes. Show yourself compassion by identifying your successes and things you did right; you’re not a loser! Celebrate your recent achievements. Did you get a new client, reach a sales goal, win a game, achieve a new personal best in something, or follow through on a goal? Next, share it with your friends or family and invite them to celebrate with you.

Read an inspiring book or listen to soothing music

We gain courage by reading about how others overcame their struggles victoriously. Find someone admirable and read their biography; search Amazon’s best sellers for ideas. Another thing you can do is listen to music that lifts your soul and shifts you to a positive frame of mind.  

Connect with a friend

Sometimes, overcoming negativity and soothing troubled emotions is as easy as connecting with a trusted friend and talking about it. Share. Vent. Express your fears. Be vulnerable and talk about your concerns and any self-doubts. Let their friendship soothe you. And open your heart to new perspectives and solutions to help you rise above negativity. 

Help someone in need

Opportunities to do good deeds are all around us. Find someone less fortunate to help, whether serving a meal in a soup kitchen or listening to someone’s struggle and offering them sound advice; be a friend.

According to research, we experience the “helper’s high” when we help someone; it makes us feel good! In fact, one of the most powerful ways to overcome discouragement and negativity and be happier is to reach out and help someone else. Whether it’s the smallest act of kindness or acts of great compassion, it’s the same result: an inspiring feeling of joy and satisfaction that lifts you out of your negative thoughts and emotions.

Suppose you’re dealing with negativity in your marriage or have a spouse who leans towards the pessimistic side of the spectrum. In that case, you need to find inner resources that lift you above negativity for you to be happier and also to have a positive influence on the relationship. 

Which of these five tips could you use to help make you and your marriage more positive and hopeful? Is it finding the positive – the silver lining, reminding yourself of your strengths and achievements, reading books about others who’ve overcome adversity, connecting with a friend for support, or supporting a worthy cause and helping someone in need? 

Use one or more of these tips today to shift yourself into a more optimistic frame of mind to unlock your best life and marriage!