Unless you take time for yourself to care for your needs, the day will come when you resent taking care of others (including your spouse). 

It’s easy to forget about ourselves and put our needs on the back burner, especially in our marriage. But self-care is important to your well-being and happiness. 

Running yourself ragged, making sure everyone is okay and everything is taken care of, at your personal expense, is expensive emotionally, mentally, and physically because of the stress, frustration, weariness, and resentment caused by that lifestyle. 

Studies prove that self-care reduces stress, anxiety, depression, and other negative consequences while improving energy, concentration, and happiness. 

Your marriage is a top priority; some might say second only to your faith and relationship with God. Even so, it’s important not to lose yourself and your identity in the relationship.

According to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration these are the eight dimensions of wellness:

Emotional, environmental, financial, intellectual, occupational, physical, social, and spiritual—to achieve longevity and improved quality of life.

For a healthy and happy marriage, each spouse must know how to care for themselves to maintain their desire and ability to care for each other.

Self-Care for a Better Marriage

Taking care of yourself is as important as tending to the marriage relationship.

Sometimes the problems we face in our marriage result from neglecting our needs. 

So before you try fixing your relationship problems, see if something in your life needs fixing first, which might result in solving the marital issue. You’ll have a better chance of having a happy, peaceful marriage when you feel happy and peaceful first because you can’t give what you don’t have. 

If you dive straight away into fixing your marriage without addressing what’s happening to you first, it could worsen things because you might not be getting to the root of the problem.

Self-care replenishes and stabilizes you, so you’re at your best. 

Before addressing the core issues of your marriage, follow these steps to boost your chances of success.

Take Extreme Ownership of Your Happiness

Your happiness is your responsibility. 

Commit to taking care of yourself no matter what; accept no excuses.

For example, suppose your happiness depends on your spouse being by your side every waking minute of the day. In that case, you’ll never be fully happy and will eventually feel powerless, fearful, and wounded. Why? Because it’s an unrealistic expectation. And besides, they’re not responsible for your happiness; you are.

You need to be the source of your happiness. If you place your happiness in the hands of anything external, you’re at the mercy of people, situations and circumstances, a recipe for misery. 

Making someone else your source of happiness leads to disappointment, frustration, resentment, hurt feelings, unrealistic expectations, and unhealthy behavior like pleading, begging, and unhealthy compromise.

Your spouse will see you as someone needy and emotionally dependent. And chances are that whatever they do for you will never feel like enough because you will always expect more. 

As you can imagine, emotionally needy behavior will likely make your partner feel uncomfortable and create distance because they’re afraid of being consumed and engulfed by your relentless demands for care and attention.

You’ll lean on others emotionally until you care for yourself and take extreme ownership of your happiness; that’s no way to live. 

And the flip side is that your spouse will feel responsible for your happiness and theirs, which is expecting too much. 

A spouse who feels they must be responsible for their partner’s happiness for their partner to have peace and happiness might last for a while. But eventually, they will feel like shutting down or running away. 

A spouse who tries to be everything to/for their spouse will feel anger and resentment for being placed in such an unfair and demanding position. Fun and playfulness will drain from the relationship, both necessary for a lasting and happy marriage. 

You must respect yourself and take full ownership of your happiness, believing you have what it takes to thrive independently. It’s an empowering mindset that makes you come from a place of confidence and strength in all your relationships. 

You will be the kind of person people respect and who honor your boundaries. And you’ll be more attractive and desirable to your spouse. 

Commit to Living Now!  

Waiting for something better to happen is terrible because it’s disempowering and creates misery.

Some spouses sit on the sidelines until they have the perfect marriage to set goals, have fun, or enjoy adventures when they should focus on the eight areas of well-being now.

Why should you wait to do something that you can do on your own?

Why should you wait to take that course or class or pursue fun hobbies like gourmet cooking, music lessons, or writing a book? Life doesn’t wait; the sands keep sifting through the hourglass of time.

What are some new skills or experiences you’d like to have?

What are some ways you’d like to broaden your personal world?

What about your health? Staying physically active makes you feel happier, more confident, and more energetic. Taking care of your body makes you more attractive in your spouse’s eyes. One of the top complaints among spouses is that their partner let themselves go. 

Take care of yourself. Replenish your life. Be confident, strong, and empowered! 

When you take full ownership to be happy no matter what, to live your life abundantly and enthusiastically, and to take care of yourself regardless of the state of your relationship, you will be happier and more satisfied with life, and your partner will be happier and more satisfied with you and the marriage. 

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection” ― Gautama Buddha