How you communicate with your spouse matters. Your language, tone, body language, and spirit will make or break your relationship, maybe not at first but eventually. Don’t underestimate this.

Think about it; you express your thoughts, feelings, hopes, dreams, ideas, and fears through communication.

When you were first married, you exercised greater care in your choice of words because you knew words mattered.

But it was easier in the beginning, wasn’t it? You were still on your best behavior and getting to know each other.

But with time, it gets easier and easier to choose our words with less care… to be less careful with how we engage our spouse.

A lack of kind, gracious, open communication causes hurt feelings and misunderstandings and incites conflict.

It really is true that it’s not so much what you say but how you say it. Here are some tips for establishing and maintaining healthy lines of communication with your spouse.

Tips fоr Communicating wіth Your Spouse

Bе Attentive

This isn’t a time for distractions. Give your spouse ALL of your attention. That means no TV, phones, magazines, etc.

Be fully present. And listen. Take in every word.

Find someplace where you can focus on each other and give your undivided attention to serious or important conversations. It can be different for everyone, from a drive in the car to a relaxing meal at one of your favorite restaurants; it could even be a room in your house or a long walk where you can talk freely.

Be Respectful AND Kind

There will be times when you and your spouse are very angry with each other. Those are the very times to show greater respect and kindness.

Lose the foul language, the shouting, and the accusatory or demeaning tone. Remember, this is your life partner – the person you chose to spend the rest of your life with. They deserve your best. 

They will be more willing to listen if you’re kind and polite. Rudeness, aggressiveness, antagonism, and selfishness will shut them down.

Words spoken in anger aren’t good.

If you’re angry, cool off because you’re bound to say something you’ll feel bad about and regret later, creating doubts and conflicts within the relationship.

Speak Honestly but Graciously!

Some people use “honesty” as an excuse for being mean to vent their feelings and beat up on their spouse a little bit.

That’s wrong. You can be honest and gracious, truthful AND kind.

Conflict and disagreements are found in every relationship, along with disappointments and misgivings.

However, differences of opinion and misgivings shouldn’t damage or destroy your relationship.

Discussing your issues honestly but in a spirit of deep respect and warm kindness paves the way for resolution, healing, and a healthier, stronger relationship.

As you’re communicating with your spouse, focus on their good traits. And it wouldn’t hurt to compliment your partner and show a little appreciation.

Granted, this level and depth of communication is rare, it seems, in relationships these days. But it’s a difference-maker because it keeps the conversation in a positive and loving atmosphere. It’s the kind of communication that makes your relationship safe and protects the honor and dignity of both people.

Listen. Really, Really Listen.

Don’t just “hear.” Listen. Control your feelings and anxiousness to respond. If you don’t understand what they’re saying, ask for clarification.

If you don’t understand each other, you’re not communicating. All you’re doing is throwing words at each other.

And please, do not interrupt.

If you tend to interrupt your spouse when they’re speaking, stop.

It’s a terrible, frustrating, and annoying habit that blocks communication.

Listen. Listening is a sign of respect and maturity.

Also, don’t just sit there like a bump on a log with unexpressive body language that says “I’d rather be anywhere else but here!”

Don’t’ use aggressive body language either. Be open and receptive. Demonstrate that you are fully present by your tone, words, questions, comments, compliments, and body language.

Just because you give your spouse the courtesy of expressing their thoughts and feelings freely doesn’t mean you necessarily agree with them. So listen anyway.

Listen with an open, receptive heart, mind, and body.

Let them finish their thoughts.

Listen to every word. Observe their body language too, and consider the tone of their voice.

Communication is a process that requires you to be fully aware and present.

Once your spouse has shared what’s in their heart, respond without being reactionary by sharing what’s in yours.

Make Eye Contact

Please make eye contact; don’t avoid looking at your spouse. But don’t lock eyes with them like a sociopathic thug who is about to attack them either!

Making eye contact shows them that you are interested in the conversation.

A lack of eye contact gives the impression, whether true or not that you don’t care – that you’re not interested.

A lack of eye contact communicates that you’re not participating in a meaningful way in the conversation. 

Maintain eye contact when you’re talking to reassure your partner that this conversation matters to you and that you have nothing to hide and are speaking honestly from the heart.

In fact, eye contact, gentle, reassuring touching, and holding hands during the conversation will make уоu feel closer to each оthеr.

Give 30 Minutes

Spouses struggle with making time to talk these days because of work, kids, and the sometimes overwhelming cares of daily life, all of which can leave you feeling so exhausted by the end of the day that all you want to do at night is sit comatose in front of the TV or collapse into bed early because you’re so tired.

But, strive to set aside thirty minutes a day for meaningful, heartfelt connection with your spouse where you just talk. Doing so helps maintain the bonds of emotional intimacy, which paves the way for physical intimacy.

Take thirty minutes a day to enjoy each other on a meaningful level to enjoy each other exclusively.

Investing in each other tends to prevent misunderstandings and grudges. There will be much less conflict in your marriage because of greater understanding and clearer expectations made possible through communication.

Start following these communication tips if you’re not using them already to begin unlocking your best, happiest, and healthiest marriage!