It’s easy to be hard on yourself, especially if you grew up in an environment where criticism was abundant and praise scarce, with caregivers more focused on your faults and failures than your talents and successes, which said more about them than you, by the way. (And there was more that was right about you than wrong about you, just in case you didn’t know.)

That sort of upbringing can really mess with you because you go through life feeling less than and unworthy and tend to become a fault-finder, wreaking havoc on ALL your relationships, especially the one you have with your intimate partner.

Acknowledging your good traits makes you feel nervous. Receiving appreciation and compliments makes you uncomfortable, and you’re unsure how to react, so you minimize yourself and your accomplishments in the giver’s eyes. You’ve reached the point where you’re more comfortable focusing on your faults than on your admirable traits. 

Look, it’s not wrong to appreciate your good traits. It’s okay to acknowledge that you’re a person of value who has a lot to offer! 

Only when you genuinely appreciate yourself can you truly appreciate others.

If you’re unaccustomed to showing yourself self-appreciation, then you better start getting used to the idea if you ever want the chance to unlock your best life, relationships, and marriage.

An enlightened teacher once instructed us to love our neighbor as ourselves. People tend to treat others how they treat themselves. Unless you feel superior to others, self-love and self-appreciation aren’t selfish traits. 

According to LifeHack, “To love yourself is to experience freedom – freedom from doubt, self-hate, and oppression created by you. To love yourself is no longer holding yourself back from what you deserve. To love yourself is to grow and enjoy your life. Self-love is a necessity if you want to live a comfortable life. Self-love is a choice, a commitment to yourself that you will love yourself, despite all the social and biological obstacles in your path. It is not found in a place, person, or item.” 

5 Ways To Practice The Habit of Self-Appreciation More 

1. Choose To Do It

Your decision is simple. Really simple, actually. You can either choose to pick yourself apart or choose to appreciate who you are and your life. 

Isn’t it time you let toxic self-reflection go?

Hasn’t the time come for you to appreciate yourself and care about your life?

What kind of life would be yours if you said no to self-criticism and self-hatred? 

Are you ready to hear the truth about who you are? You’re most certainly not perfect, not by a long shot. You never will be. And it doesn’t even matter. Nor will you ever please anyone or everyone perfectly. So stop trying. 

Here’s the truth: You are enough! And always have been!

Decide to give yourself the gifts of self-approval and self-appreciation. 

Permit yourself to enjoy yourself, and celebrate that you are always learning and growing.

2. Examine Your Negative Beliefs For Falsehoods

Negative thoughts about yourself are a mental pattern that must be disrupted and challenged.  

Make the time and effort to examine your negative, critical beliefs for falsehood: 

● First, just because you fail or don’t quite succeed at something doesn’t make you a failure or “less than” in any way. 

● Second, choose to view a person’s response or the events surrounding an event as mere feedback. And please don’t spiral into the dark abyss of self-loathing if a friend or partner doesn’t return your call, email, or text immediately because you think it’s an indication that they’re unhappy with you or don’t like you. 

● Third, recognize and list a few good things that are happening in your life and some admirable traits about yourself to silence the negative, critical voice in your head. Appreciate yourself! Please don’t wait to receive positive feedback from others; give it to yourself.

3. Respond Compassionately To Your Mistakes

According to research, reacting to your mistakes with compassion boosts self-esteem and makes you more competent and resourceful. Stand up to your inner critic and the distorted reality it’s trying to sell you: 

● Even when things don’t go as planned, there’s almost always something positive that we can learn from the experience or situation. 

● Realize that setbacks don’t define you! They’re stepping stones to something better! 

● Remind yourself that you’re not perfect; you’re learning and growing. And although you can’t predict the future, you’re shaping and creating your destiny because you deserve the life you desire.

4. Don’t Believe The Perfection Myth

You’re not perfect. And it’s impossible to please people perfectly, so stop seeking their approval and validation because it’s a recipe for self-disappointment, self-loathing, or, worse yet, self-hatred. Some of the world’s most beautiful wonders are flawed; flaws add beauty. Show yourself appreciation for who you are and the person you are becoming. 

In a world of negativity, where bad news gets attention, there will always be someone standing by telling you that you’re not good enough, but as long as that person isn’t you, everything is splendid. Got it? Good. 

5. You’ve Heard It, Now Do It: Learn To Say No!

Instead of over-committing to gain validation and approval, demonstrate self-appreciation by prioritizing your personal needs!

Know your values.

Raise your standards.

Respect your boundaries. 

Learn to identify which invitations and obligations aren’t worth the stress or don’t support your life and calling, and decline them respectfully.

Sort through ALL of your “people-pleasing” actions and get rid of them! Stop putting everyone else’s interests above your own.

Final Thoughts…

If you want to unlock your best life, and if you really want to unlock your best relationship with your intimate partner, then begin showing yourself a lot more self-appreciation today. Not only will you be happier and enjoy life more, but all of your relationships will also be happier and healthier because you treat others with the same love and appreciation that you treat yourself.