Thinking for ourselves is getting harder and harder, but if there ever were a time in earth’s history when we needed to think for ourselves, it’s now! 

You need to think for yourself about the kind of person you want to be and the life you want to live. 

And when it comes to your intimate relationship with your romantic partner, you must think for yourself! Don’t let the media, friends, or social norms dictate or influence the kind of relationship you want and desire.

In an age of polyamory, low commitment, and inconsistency, you must forge the kind of life you want to live. Think for yourself. Don’t compromise or settle for less than you want or feel you deserve. Don’t adopt the beliefs and standards of other people unless they align with your core values.

You never owe anyone an apology, excuse, or reason for taking charge of your mind and thinking for yourself, especially when it comes to your marriage or romantic relationship. 

The Basics of Thinking For Yourself 

Since it seems fewer and fewer people are thinking for themselves these days, let’s start with the basics of what it looks like just to make sure we’re on the same page.

The What

The basic definition of thinking for yourself is to develop opinions and beliefs that are entirely your own. 

In other words, you reflect, process, and evaluate information to formulate a conclusion based on your viewpoint. Don’t blindly accept anyone’s conclusions; form your own.

The How

Imagine you’re in a room full of people; everyone’s sharing their opinions and thoughts on a matter.

So, what do you do? 

First, collect as much factual data as possible and analyze it. After giving it some thought, begin to formulate your ideas. It’s okay if you reach similar conclusions because the point isn’t to come up with a different answer; it’s to do your own thinking.  

The When

Experts refer to independent thinking as cognitive development. This usually happens in two stages.

The first stage is when children are between the ages of 6 to 12. During this stage, children learn how to form thoughts in specific ways, such as:

• Adding/combining
• Subtracting/separating
• Carrying out actions that require transformations and changes
• Sorting objects and putting things in order

The second stage is adolescence, when children are between the ages of 12 and 18. This is a time where there’s more complexity to their thinking.

They hone their ability to carry out logical as well as abstract thinking, which includes:

• Considering several viewpoints
• Thinking about thinking
• Reasoning by using a series of known principles
• Contemplating possible outcomes

We talked a little bit about the fundamentals of thinking for yourself. Now, let’s talk about why it’s so important because thinking for yourself is much more than being rebellious and opposing other people’s beliefs. 

Thinking for yourself is about standing up for what you believe is right, even if your friends, colleagues, and mainstream media says otherwise.

Check out these amazing benefits of thinking for yourself: 

• Builds trust in your abilities
• Boosts feelings of self-confidence, self-respect, and self-worth
• Increases brainpower
• Results in a greater sense of accomplishment
• Expands your mind by considering diverse perspectives and various points of view
• Gains the respect of others
• It makes you more aware of what the media is trying to get you to believe 

Parting Thoughts

In part 2, we’ll look at the pitfalls of not thinking for yourself and, in part 3, practical tips on how to start thinking for yourself.

As we wrap things up, are there any areas of your life that you’ve been letting people do your thinking for you? Have you compromised or settled for things that make you feel uncomfortable in a negative way? If so, it’s time to reassess the situation and get honest with what you want. And a great place to start is with your marriage or intimate relationship with your partner.