When people hear the word “boundary,” they feel like they’re being limited from doing things they want to do. That’s understandable since it defines where things start and end. As “limiting” as boundaries may seem, looking at it from a different perspective can do wonders for your relationship. 

Boundaries can help us preserve our identity while we’re in a romantic relationship. It allows us to keep ourselves from falling in too deep and constantly putting our partner’s needs before our own, which can be unhealthy. See, most of us are guilty of losing ourselves the moment we enter into a commitment with someone, and while the idea sounds romantic, it can work to our disadvantage in the end. 

Know What Your Boundaries Are

Before you commit to someone, you need to know what your boundaries are. Know your likes and dislikes, and identify experiences, behaviors, and attitudes that make you feel uncomfortable. 

Once you’ve set your boundaries, discuss them with your partner. This is crucial, especially if there are actions and behaviors you don’t want them to engage in because it makes you feel violated. Be direct and specific while having a conversation with them because it shows them that it’s not something to joke about and that it’s non-negotiable. 

When you talk to your partner about boundaries, you’re also telling them how to respect you. They will appreciate you for doing this because it demonstrates that you value yourself and that they should do the same if they want to keep you. 

Set Consequences

While talking about boundaries, you might consider letting your partner know the consequences of violating them. The goal isn’t to threaten them, but to let them know you mean business. People tend to step over the lines in relationships for various reasons. For some, it’s because they care too much, while others just want to see how far they can push their partners into giving them what they want; the latter isn’t healthy. 

Always Follow Through

This is the tricky part. See, some people tend to break their own rules to please their partners. Please don’t go down that road. You’ll end up getting lost in the relationship if you constantly focus all your energy on making your partner happy. Caring about each other’s needs should be mutual.

Relationships are supposed to be a two-way street. Ideally, you get what you give. To ensure your partner’s happiness, work on your own because it’s hard to make someone happy when you’re unhappy yourself. 

If your partner refuses to honor your boundaries, you’re better off without them. You should never have to compromise your values, standards or beliefs for other people, especially for someone who says they love you.

Follow through with the boundaries that you set and stick to the consequences you discussed with your partner as it demonstrates that your wants, desires, feelings, and needs are just as important as theirs. 

Boundaries are among the most difficult, but necessary conversations couples have. Although boundaries look like a boring set of rules at first, they are guidelines for respecting, honoring, and valuing each other.