Any couple that wants to have a happy marriage must choose what to share and what not to share with each other. Although complete honesty is often encouraged in relationships, it can be a double edged sword. While it is important to disclose certain things such as family history and past debt, it may not be beneficial to share every single detail of your past relationships with your spouse. The same goes for your opinions, thoughts, dreams, fears and fantasies.

Everyone, single or married, has a right to privacy in their life. It is perfectly okay not to share all your past with your spouse. However, you should never withhold any information that can affect your marriage.

When To Tell

Here are some things that you should never withhold from your spouse.

Debt – Failing to disclose past debt to a spouse is never a good idea. Whether it is in the form of student loans or credit card debt, your loved one needs to know. If you fail to tell them and they find out later on, they may feel betrayed. Money matters should always be put out in the open especially when they have the potential to affect the running of the home.

Lack of sexual desire – Lack of sexual desire can kill a marriage if kept a secret. After all, you cannot fake it forever. It is better to share this problem with your spouse before it gets out of hand. Let your spouse help you in finding a medical solution to what can be corrected instead of living with guilt.

Past Immorality and Addictions – Revealing past immorality or addictions can be tricky. This is especially true if you have worked so hard to change and don’t want to destroy your spouse’s trust and respect for you. Unfortunately, keeping these things a secret creates insurmountable guilt which is much worse for the relationship. It is better to reveal these things on your own terms instead of waiting until your spouse finds out. Otherwise, you might find yourself seeking advice on how to save a relationship.

When Not to Tell

There are plenty of people in healthy relationships who have secrets that they have never shared with their loved ones. Information that is not beneficial to your marriage such as how attractive or romantic your ex was should not be shared. Similarly, if the story involves someone else who wants the story to remain a secret forever, keep it to yourself.

Don’t Ask If You Don’t Want To Know

There are certain “loaded” questions that you should avoid asking unless you really want to know the answer. These include questions such as “Do you love me more than you loved your ex-girlfriend?” and “Do you think I’m prettier than your ex?”

To avoid being hurt, avoid questions that can lead to hurtful and surprising revelations. If you don’t ask, your spouse doesn’t have to tell.  You also won’t put your spouse in a position where he or she is tempted to lie to you. Maintain a happy marriage by choosing what to tell and what not to tell.