Validation is one of the most important tools of communication in marriage. It allows you to support your spouse and maintain a happy marriage even when you disagree. But what exactly is validation?

Validation basically means recognizing and accepting your spouse’s thoughts, feelings and behaviors as understandable. Note that this doesn’t mean that you have to agree with your spouse, it just means that you need to make them feel accepted and not judged.

Be Present

One of the best ways to validate your spouse is to just be present. Sometimes all your spouse needs is someone to hold them or listen to them.

The most important rule of being present is that you should not attempt to multitask. If you’re on the phone, watching TV or doing pretty much anything else other than giving your spouse your full attention, you’re not present.

The thing about being present though is that it’s uncomfortable for most people. However, you have to resist the urge to run away or avoid the situation and just sit through it.

Talk it Through

Summarizing what your spouse has said is another good way to validate them. However, you have to do it with the intention of understanding them rather than judging them. This technique can also help your spouse to sort through their thoughts and emotions and get a better idea of what they’re feeling.

Sometimes, it can be helpful to go the extra mile and try to help your spouse to acknowledge what they’re feeling. You can do this by making your best guess of how they’re feeling and then giving them an opportunity to acknowledge it or correct you. You could say something like, “I’m guessing you’re feeling hurt by  . .  .”

Understand

To have a happy marriage, you have to be understanding towards your spouse. One way to achieve this is to learn how to view your spouse’s behavior through the lens of their experiences.

This is important your spouse’s experiences can influence their reactions to seemingly benign situations. Try to make them feel that you understand and accept every part of them.

Validation and acceptance is necessary for a happy marriage but many people just don’t understand what it means to validate someone.  However, sometimes all it takes is your undivided attention and understanding.