Some people deal with marital problems by blaming their spouses. They do this because taking responsibility for their unhappy marriage makes them feel inadequate so, they’re just trying to protect themselves and their self esteem.

Being married to someone who is constantly blaming you for their unhappiness and the problems in your marriage can be very challenging. Even when they are justified and you are truly responsible for the less than ideal state of your marriage, it is very hard to endure constant blame.

Why Does Your Spouse Blame You?

As mentioned, one of the main reasons why people blame their spouses is because taking responsibility makes them feel inadequate. Usually, there’s some form of insecurity lurking under the surface that makes it really hard for them to admit that they’re wrong. For instance, if someone is insecure about their income or the amount of money they’re bringing home, they might try to blame their financial problems on their spouse’s heavy spending.

Some people just blame others out of habit. They’re just so used to passing blame that they do not have the skills to deal with conflict in a healthy way. Unfortunately, the solution to this issue is not as simple as pointing out that they need to work on their conflict resolutions skills. This will only push them further away.

Dealing With a Spouse Who Blames You For Everything

Don’t play the blame game

If you want your spouse to stop blaming you, you can’t blame them back. The moment you stop reciprocating, the cycle stops.

Pursue positive communication in marriage

Blame is a form of negative communication. The only way to eliminate it completely is to replace it with positive loving communication. If you feel blamed by your spouse, let them know. Don’t blame them for blaming you, just let them know how you feel. Start your statements with “I” instead of “you” to encourage your spouse to be emotionally supportive instead of defensive.

Keep in mind that people who are used to blaming others for their problems are rarely open to seeking counseling. They’re afraid that the counselor will blame them for everything. So while it’s perfectly okay to bring up the idea of counseling; don’t push it if they’re not open to it. You can still deal with the issue of blame and fix your unhappy marriage without counseling.