We all have illusions of what love and marriage should be like. Some of those ideas and relationship tips come from our parents while others come from movies, books etc.

The thing about these illusions is that they are rarely ever realistic. All they do is make it extremely difficult for our spouses to live up to our expectations and set us up for disappointment.

For your marriage to succeed, you have to be willing to let go of your fantasies about love and marriage and allow your relationship with your partner to develop without these limitations. This is the essence of loving without expectation. You need to realize that your perfect relationship may not look like your parents’ relationship or that other relationship that you have at the back of your mind.

Loving without expectation is not about overlooking major marriage problems like abuse or infidelity. It is about freeing your marriage from romantic illusions and unrealistic expectations of romance, affection and fulfillment.

Love yourself

You’re probably wondering what loving yourself has to do with loving without expectation. The thing is, all expectations are rooted in need and want. It is impossible to love without expectation when you are wholly dependent on your significant other for acceptance, affection and validation. And these expectations will not go away until you find love and acceptance within yourself.

Love your husband or wife for who they are

A loving wife or a loving husband is one who accepts and appreciates their spouse as they are. They realize that their spouse’s personality and behavior is not in their control and that no amount of bargaining is going to change that.

Part of loving your spouse for who they are is not comparing them to other people. Quit asking why they cannot be more like your mom, your dad or someone else’s husband or wife. Base your relationship on appreciation not expectation.

Forgive freely

While you are still learning how to love without expectation, you need to be willing to forgive your spouse when they let you down.  Forgiveness allows you to move past it and to learn from the experience.

It’s perfectly fine to have fantasies about love and marriage but don’t expect your spouse to live up to them. Use the above relationship tips, to build a marriage that is based on mutual acceptance and appreciation, not stipulations and expectations.