Most advice on how to fix a marriage encourages couples to talk it out. But what do you do when your spouse won’t talk about your problems? Do you keep bringing up your relationship issues until your partner gives in and agrees to talk about them or do you leave him/her alone and assume that he/she will come to you when ready?

Your Spouse Doesn’t Feel Safe

The reason your spouse won’t talk to you about your marriage problems is probably because he/she doesn’t feel safe enough to do so. It’s also why all your efforts to get your spouse to speak to you haven’t worked.

Maybe the way you respond when your spouse speaks to you about relationship issues has made him/her feel unsafe. For instance, if you tend to become defensive and argumentative whenever you and your spouse discuss your marriage problems, your spouse might avoid those conversations. It could also be that your wife’s or husband’s past relationship experiences have made him/her wary.

Whatever the case, there is only one thing to do: make your spouse feel safer.

Make Your Spouse Feel Safer

Be patient with your spouse. The last thing he or she needs is to feel pressured to talk about how to fix a marriage. Send the message that you are willing to wait and get comfortable with the idea that things may not happen at the pace you want them to.

Invite your spouse to talk. Note that inviting is very different from pressuring. Inviting your spouse to talk means letting him/her know that you would like to talk about a certain issue whenever he/she is ready. On the other hand, pressuring your spouse to talk means asking questions and expecting answers instantly.

Listen to your spouse. When your spouse decides to talk about your problems, try not to interrupt or even ask questions until your spouse has said his/her piece. Afterwards, you can use the mirroring technique to clarify what your spouse has said.

Figuring out how to fix a marriage can be very difficult when one spouse doesn’t feel safe enough to talk about marital problems. This is why it’s very important to be patient, inviting and a good listener when discussing relationship issues.