Divorce isn’t always a mutual decision. There are many instances where one spouse is just fed up and wants a divorce while the other wants to seek professional advice on how to fix a marriage.

In some instances, the person who does not want a divorce resorts to pleading, begging, arguing, threatening or manipulating in an attempt to stop divorce. He or she may send multiple texts, emails and, even, other people to talk to their spouse. The trouble with this approach is that more often than not, it only serves to further irritate the person who wants a divorce.

In other instances, the person who does not want a divorce completely gives up hope and yields to the other partners wishes. They rationalize that doing so will keep their spouse from getting even angrier and open a window for reconciliation.

The truth is that none of these approaches is very effective. There are other more effective ways to deal with this situation besides begging, threatening or completely yielding to your spouse’s wishes and helping him or her divorce you.

Communicate

The first and most important step is to communicate to your spouse that you do not want a divorce and you are going to do whatever you need to do to save the marriage. Don’t assume that your spouse knows that you do not want a divorce if you haven’t told him or her that.

It is important to have this conversation in a calm manner otherwise your spouse may not hear you. The conversation should be about what you want and what you are going to do, and not about trying to convince your spouse to change his or her mind.

Pray

The next step is to pray to God to give you the wisdom to figure out how to fix a marriage that is on the verge of divorce. Pray that God may reveal your faults and help you to change and be a better partner. Also, pray for your spouse that God may heal their wounds and soften their heart.

Keep Working on Being a Better Partner

It is highly unlikely that your spouse is solely to blame for your marital problems so if you want to stop a looming divorce, you need to admit your faults to yourself and your spouse, and begin working on improving yourself in those areas.

Do not expect your spouse to acknowledge or affirm your efforts to be a better spouse. Doing so is setting yourself up for failure if your spouse decides to ignore your efforts. Remember, the goal is to become a better spouse and not necessarily to gain brownie points.

Negotiate

If your spouse is reluctant to attend marriage counseling, perhaps you can convince them to do so by offering some concession. Obviously the concession shouldn’t be signing the divorce papers but something more reasonable such as spending some time apart. There are many people who have gone to counseling totally unwilling to listen to and take advice on how to fix a marriage and come out of it eager to save their marriages and pursue a good marriage.

While there is no guarantee that any of this will change your spouse’s mind, at least you won’t regret not trying.